


Letters of Hope

by FrenchMartiniPlease



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Actors, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Theatre, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Eventual Happy Ending, F/M, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Kissing, Light Angst, Miscommunication, Past Abuse, Reylo - Freeform, Theatre, but with finn, leaning with intent, wardrobe mistress
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-10
Updated: 2020-12-18
Packaged: 2021-03-09 05:54:05
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 27,815
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27489913
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FrenchMartiniPlease/pseuds/FrenchMartiniPlease
Summary: When the lead actor in the play 'Letters of Hope' has to be suddenly replaced by gorgeous action movie star Kylo Ren, wardrobe mistress Rey finds his attitude towards her to be less than stellar. In an attempt to keep her unwanted attraction to him at bay she thinks it's a good idea to fake date her flatmate Finn. What could possibly go wrong?
Relationships: Kylo Ren/Rey, Rey & Ben Solo | Kylo Ren, Rey/Ben Solo, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 61
Kudos: 121
Collections: Ijustfellintothissendhelp





	1. Chapter 1 - broken bones

**Author's Note:**

> I should be finishing 'Hello from the other side' and I will, but this kind of bit me in the ass and demanded I wrote it instead.

Only three more filthy, scaffolding poles to move. Rey hefts one onto her shoulder, but the lack of upward trajectory on Cassian’s end knocks her balance.

“Oi, pick it up.” The pole bumps off her shoulder, twisting her wrist awkwardly before the metal cylinder hits the ground with a clang. Shaking out her hand, she frowns at her helper.

“In a minute.”

Cassian pulls his phone from a threadbare rear pocket; it must have vibrated against his ass. Sliding his thumb over the screen, he ignores Rey as she continues to flap her hand, shaking off the residual pain. 

Clearly Cass wasn’t picking anything up for a bit. Rey stealing a chance to stretch out the tight, aching feeling in her lower back, arches backwards, feeling the delicious stretch of her muscles.

Lugging twenty odd construction scaffolding poles through a late nineteenth century theatre building with narrow corridors and steep stairwells isn’t Rey’s idea of fun but tiny theatre groups like New Hope productions only survive when everyone pitches in. That’s why their wardrobe mistress and sound engineer are getting a serious work out on a Tuesday morning. The constant lifting of two-meter metal poles has her lower back screaming that her occasional Pilates YouTube sessions with Finn are no match for. 

Interlacing her fingers together for a deeper stretch she notices how filthy they are and tries wiping the grime from her palms on the back of her jeans with no real effect as Cassian continues to frown at the screen.

“What’s the matter?” Rey asks.

Cass mutters, “Nothing…maybe something…” frowning harder he looks up from the phone. He gives a shrug and slides it back into his pocket. “Ready to shift this?”

Rey’s eyebrows raise at his evasiveness.

“That’s it?”

“What?”

“That’s all I’m getting? Cass, you know I always find out in the end.” She folds her arms across her chest and cocks her head to the side waiting.

“It’s to do with the play, but that’s all I’m sayin’, now shift your ass.”

“Fine.” she huffs knowing silence works better on Cassian than wheedling. Crouching she grabs her end of the scaffolding. It hasn’t gotten any lighter during their mini break. They negotiate the route awkwardly from the back door to the stage, trying not to chip another divot out of the stairwell wall as they go.

Dunting the swing doors open with the end of the pole, they make it into the stage wing and drop it, clattering, on the pile they’ve already shifted. A couple of the crew hands glance over before continuing to strap the scaffolding together on the far side of the stage. 

At least half of the structure has been braced together and the stage is crowded. Given they’ve got preview next Wednesday, the place is busy but not frantic. Jyn’s scaling the lighting rig suspended above the stage, attaching spots. Finn, Rey’s flatmate, is working in the opposite wing painting one of the flats that’ll eventually cover the finished scaffolding ledge. He’s too far in his zone to be disturbed, drawing forth an almost perfect rendering of crumbling brick work with nothing more than a handful of basic colours and shading. There’s a smear of pale grey paint bright against the dark skin of his forehead streaking into his black hair and his uniform of jeans and t-shirt are stiff with paint splatters. Jannah, his assistant, is scanning loose sketches of Finn’s, looking for some forgotten detail. 

This is the magical part when everything begins to look _real_. As if this theatre just happens to house a Scottish stately home inside it. 

Tingles, the ones she always gets before a show, dance across her skin eliciting a grin. This feeling: the final week of pre-production, everyone’s emotions cranked up and ideas sparking faster than ever, she lived for this shit. All the planning, discussions and straight up hard work are coming together and Poe’s version of Edgarth’s _Letters of Hope_ , will be seen for the first-time next Wednesday. 

Cassian nudges her elbow and she turns, beaming at him.

“Quit stalling Rey,” he grouses but can’t help smiling back at her, “we’ve got at least two or three more trips to do and I want out of here before two.” They push through the doors, walking towards the stairwell.

“Two? We should be done by one. What are you not telling me Cass?” still smiling she tilts her head and holds his eye, “You know, Poe’ll tell me when he gets in later so best to spill it now.”

Cassian sighs, she has to work to keep her happy smile from morphing into a smug grin. Difficult, but Rey feels she’s pulling it off. Cass draws a hand through his brown hair, and she knows it’ll only be a matter of moments before he gives it up.

“You didn’t hear it from me but - there might be a change of lead.”

Rey freezes on the stairs, gripping the railing. Cassian walks on as if his words are no big deal.

“Which one?”

“Eh?”

“I said, which one?” her voice pitchy.

The realisation that any change of lead will result in long days of rush work and alterations for Rey only now occurs to Cassian.

“Shit, right. Max. Think he had a biking accident.” Glancing at Rey’s face he adds, ‘He _might_ be in plaster- I don’t know – he’s still in the ER.” Shrugging he continues. “He could be fine. There wasn’t much in the text.” He finishes weakly, grabbing the back of his neck looking apologetic as if he’s to blame for Max’s biking accident.

She breathes out a string of curses.

Cassian reaches for her, “Rey, it’ll be fine.”

“Uh-uh, you really think? Six different costume changes and all in period clothing? Yeah, Cassian that’s going to be _fine_.” She knows she sounds like a pissy brat but preview’s next Wednesday and then they’re into the full run and by the sounds of it, their leading man is in plaster.

It’s Tuesday, the Tuesday a week before preview. 

Holy Fuck, it’s Tuesday. Eight days. 

“The show can’t - we don’t have an understudy.’ If the run’s cut, New Hope makes nothing. They’ll owe money for the materials brought in. As a tiny theatre group, there’s a good chance that’ll mean a wage cut for everyone on the crew. She grabs her hair “No, no, no, no, _no_ Cassian. This is a big deal. A huge fucking deal.”

“I think Poe could always use Snap. He’s been at all the read throughs and rehearsals.” Cass placates.

“And there’s a reason why we all call him Snap.” She shouts, “It’s ‘cause he’s wooden, like a twig ready to snap.”

“Fuck Rey, he’ll hear you.” But Rey doesn’t care. The thought of Snap inhabiting the character of James, taking his lines, and stripping them of all emotion with his monotonous drone, doesn’t bode well for the run length. It does give her some hope that both Finn and her will get paid enough to pay the rent and you know, eat, though. But no, Snap should not be allowed to ruin her favourite romantic play and the thought of him as the romantic lead makes her shiver in revulsion.

“He’s no Adam Driver but he should get us through the original run.” Cassian shrugs and turns to go grab another of the remaining scaffolding poles as Rey shoots up the stairs already mentally adjusting the costumes to take into consideration Snap’s heavier frame than that of Max’s. Rey sighs to herself, Snap just didn’t look like her image of ‘James’.

“Hey, get back and help me shift these poles.”

“Dammit, Cass get someone else. I’ve got eight days to try and do what took me three weeks to complete before.” She hollers back.

***

In the end, Rey doesn’t need to drag out Snap’s measurements from her tattered aquamarine bullet journal. After Cassian’s bombshell, Poe arrives in the theatre. 

“Stage now. Everyone.” he orders as he strides through the foyer. His cheerful persona noticeably absent.

Cast and extended crew members must have been turning up at New Hope over the last half hour. Each one with a vaguely confused and anxious look to them that only seemed to get worse when they realise no one in the building can give then any more detail than that contained in Poe’s original text.

The text he hadn’t bothered to send to Rey. 

She not sure if it’s because he’s certain that she’ll be at the theatre anyway or if it’s due to Poe being too chicken shit to tell her she’ll need to pull some serious all-nighters to get prepped in time. Poe takes no shit from any cast or crew members but then, neither does she and she sure as hell will be talking to him after whatever little speech he’s about to make.

The lights are up in the auditorium, but the stage is in darkness as the twenty or so cast and crew flit in. Poe paces the foreground of the darkened stage, the lines of his body tight as people settle into the burgundy audience seating.

“Thanks for coming in.” Poe looks around checking everyone’s present. Everyone except Max, who’s probably still in an ER somewhere. “Bit of a situation.” He stops walking, catches Rey’s eye, hesitates but then gives a little ‘fuck it’ shrug. “As of now, we’ve no leading man.” 

The actors gasp as if this is the first they’ve heard of it. Bullshit, Max would have text them all about the accident and probably instagrammed pictures of his injury. He was an oversharing twat especially with ‘family’ as he liked to call the main cast: Phasma and Hux.

Unless of course, he’d managed to break his thumbs doing whatever the hell it was he’d done. 

Poe frowns at them and the shocked gasps fade away. With his brow still furrowed, he drags a prop chair forward and sits heavily in it. Well damn, it looks like her and Finn might be eating Ramen for the next few months. 

“Now things ain’t great, but we might have a lifeline.” Rey flicks her eyes over to Snap and sees him shifting in his chair, sitting taller. 

Really, the choice is crap play or no play? 

Money or nada? 

Not really a choice if Rey considers her bank balance, although Poe will have stronger feelings seeing as this play is his baby. _Letters of Hope_ had been his undergrad directorial debut at Juilliard nearly a decade ago and had garnered serious reviews. Press attention for an undergrad play is exceptional. The good press attention had brought Poe straight to the attention of his secretive ‘angel’ as he liked to call his financial backer. Rey thought of them as an anonymous cash cow. Whoever it was that put up the majority of the money for New Hope never used their complimentary tickets and never came to any meetings in the theatre.

Rey guessed they were so loaded that having their own theatre and company was just one of the things you bought when you were rich and wanted something new to brag about. Rey assumed Poe’s ‘angel’ was white, old, male and fat, but she didn’t know for sure. Not that she cared. Plays are better when the bankers stay out of production and this one did.

“So, when I did this play back at school, the guy I cast as James had a photographic memory. He’s in town and is willing to step in for the run.” And Snap is sinking back in his seat. Poor Snap, he must have thought this was his chance at last, Rey can afford to be generous now that she knows snap won’t be violating her favourite male character.

“Having a good memory isn’t going to help with chemistry, Poe.” Phasma’s voice is clipped “Emma is supposed to have phenomenal sexual chemistry with James and I’m not sure I can find that with a stranger in only a week. It takes me time to feel comfortable and inhabit the character so that I can trust them. Trust them with my performance.” Phasma’s hand flutters to her temple as if the strain of even thinking about saying a few lines to some random was too much. Rey snorts, Phasma and Max were obviously method actors, who explored their characters chemistry at great length if Hux is to be believed. 

Rey can’t see why Phasma’s complaining. _Letters of Hope_ is a World War one romance conducted mainly through letters concerning an engaged couple James Nicholson and Emma Taylor separated by the war and their friend, Henry Woods who stays at home due to being medically unfit to serve. 

It’s all longing looks, and ardent expressions of desires. It wasn’t like she was going to have to get her tits out on stage with a stranger. But come on, isn’t that what actors do? Pretend to have feelings for someone they’ve never met before? 

Nope, if Poe has a guy, Rey’s all for getting him in and getting him suited up ASAP.

“Phas, you’re a professional, as is Hux, as is my guy. I promise you. He’s with Rose reading through the prompt book now.”

Rey’s chin falls off the hand that’s supporting her, quickly she pulls herself up. Poe’s a control freak. He never lets his copy of the play with his director’s notes go anywhere without him.

Normally assistant directors, like Rose, take notes and ‘own’ the prompt book but not in New Hope, that book was Poe’s all the way. 

Who is this person Poe’s brought in? 

Whoever it is, he’s got Poe’s trust. 

Rey surreptitiously slides her phone out her back pocket and googles Poe’s original reviews. There’s a couple for the undergrad production. Ben. Huh, unusual to give only a first name at that stage of the student’s career. Scanning the first review that pings up, Ben sounds as if he’s got talent. The reviewer is equally generous about Poe’s directing as she is about Ben’s acting. No pictures though. Shame thinks Rey, she’d hoped there’d be at least one photo of Poe with a dodgy university haircut because who doesn’t have one of them lurking in their past? Poe apparently, the guy always looks camera ready. 

Poe continues “I don’t see it taking more than a couple of read throughs and a rehearsal for us to be good to go.” Poe has a look on his face that says he’s done discussing this and it’s time to get on. “Cast, if you can be in tomorrow, we’ll do a read through before lunch and go over blocking in the afternoon. Finn, will the sets be finished by then?”

“A couple of flats still to paint but they won’t have an impact on blocking.” Finn confirms from a row behind Rey.

“Jyn, you’ll need to be in too. I know we’ve got the lighting cues down but there might need to be a few adjustments as there’s a difference in physicality between Max and the guy I’m bringing in.” Poe stands and pulls the chair back into its original position.

Just the words Rey did not want to hear. 

Difference in physicality.

Yup, Poe’s eyeing her nervously. That look, more than anything, tells her it’s going to be a finger bleeding, back breaking run of days and nights to get this guy dressed.

“Everyone, back to what you were doing.” Poe drops down off the stage and comes up the aisle towards her seat. “Can I grab you for a few minutes?”

“Sure.” From his face she knows this is going to be a chat about ripping up the plans and starting from scratch. “So, want to tell me what this physical difference is? Bigger? Smaller?”

“Definitely bigger.” Poe quirks his eyebrows and smirks as he sits in a seat in the row in front and twists to look back at her, “and I can assure you, you will approve of his - physicality.” Poe’s always making cracks at how she has more insider knowledge of the crotch sizes of off Broadways leading men than he did.

Despite nine years of working as a costume designer and wardrobe mistress, knowing Poe, Rey seriously doubts she does.

“I don’t approve of any physicality that means I’m going to be stuck here day and night. When’s your friend Ben coming in?”

“What makes you think he’s called Ben?” Poe says sharply. Rey shrugs.

“Googled your reviews. It wasn’t just you they talked about, although I can see why you might have focussed on that bit of the article.” She grins as he takes a swipe at her shoulder.

“Oh well, I don’t remember exactly what was said.” He frowns but then his face lights up like it does when he knows a particularly juicy bit of gossip.

“You’ll find out who is helping us in about five minutes time if you head up to my office. He’s up there with Rose already.” Pausing, Poe gives her a more serious look. “I know this is a big ask, but you’re my Rey, and if anyone can get this done it’s you.” Both Rey and Poe stand “And I really do appreciate you putting in the hours.” Poe pulls her into a hug that makes her feel valuable as if they’re going to war and she’s his top lieutenant. 

He put his hands on her shoulders and half pushes, half marches her to the doors that’ll take her back-stage “Now go get that man’s measurements.” and he swats her on the behind when she reaches them. 

“I’m expecting lots of free booze to make up for this at the wrap party.”

“Darling, would I ever stiff you? I’ll have the biggest vodka cocktail waiting for you, but only once you’ve done your job.”

“Poe when have I ever let you down?” she jokes.

“Never, Rey. Never.” His smile makes his eyes crinkle and Rey walk that little bit taller.


	2. bad touch

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CW - There's a scene at the end where Kylo physically intimidates Rey, however it seems worse than it is due to Rey's own triggers. Please do not read if that might be a trigger for you.

Rey heads towards Poe’s office. Unlike Rey’s workshop, Poe’s office is the complete antithesis of a creative’s workspace. Books all neatly arranged on shelves and ordered by stylistic direction. He could put his hand on any of his previous production prompt books within minutes if he wanted. Poe’s creativity thrived on order not chaos.

It isn’t a large office, but it has a desk and a couple of chairs. The space could have accommodated another couple of seats, but Poe confessed to Rey at one wrap party that if people were in his office, then they weren’t where they were supposed to be. She’d had enough vodka that night to brave asking why he never ushered her out whenever she popped in. Slurring only slightly, he claimed he didn’t mind her dropping in because he knew she’d only be there if her work was done or it was a situation that only he could advise on.

Anyone else would have shrugged at that and got on with the party but Rey hoarded the compliment. Any casually thrown out crumb of praise Rey kept, hugging it close to her. Years ago, she’d kept a notebook filled with little comments her teachers and friends had made about her. A way to remind her that she wasn’t _nothing_. That, if only for a moment, she had been important to that person. Proof that she’d been seen.

That stopped after her foster dad, Plutt, found it. 

It still makes her cringe when she thinks of how she’d snuck into the kitchen to rummage for food thinking it’d be safe as Plutt was distracted and drinking with buddies. Pulling the cupboard door that housed Plutt’s snacks open, she’d stopped her scavenging when she caught his mocking tone and the sniggers of his poker buddies. 

Plutt reading out all her treasured memories, the comments that made her feel as if she might be worth something, to his buddies. The packet of twinkies instantly forgotten the moment his words registered. Shame in her gut washing away her hunger. The book never found its way back to her.

Since then she committed any praise to memory. Not quite as effective when she’s down but safer.

Once she left Plutt and particularly once she moved in with Finn, things were better. He’s unconsciously complimentary. Praising her cooking, her work and often just her, for being Rey. Finn was her person, albeit in a platonic way. 

Finn and Rey both knew there were no free hand outs in life. If you want it, you work for it. And she had. Rey worked her ass off, interning at every production she could squeeze her way into, paid or not, to build her reputation and CV. 

A bit of luck and the fallout from an ill-advised affair between the previous, very much married, assistant director and New Hope’s last wardrobe mistress gave Rey her chance. The Wardrobe Mistress left her post first, swiftly followed by the Assistant Director. His pissed off wife worked at New Hope too, and Poe rated Jyn’s skills higher than that of her husband’s. 

Well, now ex-husband. 

When Finn casually reminded Poe of his flatmate’s work with New Hope a couple of seasons ago, Poe had been quick to offer her the post. Now she got paid for the hours she put into a production. Enough for her retro clothes, rent, food and the odd night out and that was more than good enough for her.

The vacated Assistant Director role was filled by a tiny tough Asian woman named Rose with black hair, smiling eyes and the ability to take no shit from any of the egos you get in theatre and Rey loved her on sight. 

Rey absentmindedly trails two fingers behind her, taking in the texture of the chipped icy blue paint on the corridor wall under her fingertips as she approaches Poe’s office. Rey catches the lilting higher tone of Rose’s voice and that of a much deeper one. Clearly Rose hasn’t finished going over the prompt book with this Ben guy. Not a surprise really given that he’s been flung into the play an hour ago. 

“Hey Rose.” Rey props her shoulder against the lintel of the open door. Rose’s sitting in Poe’s much comfier black leather swivel seat, the prompt book laid on the table between her and a monster of a guy. He has his back to Rey, hunched over looking at the pages. His dark grey hoodie stretches over sizable shoulders and long wavy black hair brushes the collar of his top. That’ll be a problem to style for the play. He doesn’t even glance her way but keeps his attention on the book. 

_Rude with huge bloody shoulders that‘ll never fit in Max’s costumes. Damn._ Thinks Rey.

“Hey Rey.” Rose says, eyes gleaming.

Rey frowns at her friend’s flushed face and quirks her head to the side, watching Rose squirming a little in her chair. Rose keeps flicking her eyes back to the man, smiling at him and then back to Rey. Is she…is she fawning?

“Rey, I’d like you to meet – ” Rose starts.

“Ben.” Rey says as she steps into the room smiling, hand outstretched. “I googled the uni production reviews.”

The shoulders she was mentally cursing a minute ago, tense and Rose chokes on her spit but covers it by taking a big swig from her metal water bottle.

“It’s Kylo, actually.” The bloke turns and a familiar face looks back at her. The almost black hair, dark straight eyebrows, deep brown eyes and the handsome, if unconventional face of Kylo Ren gazes back at her unimpressed. She last saw that face snarling from her tv, Saturday night, as she and Finn enjoyed a Kylo Ren movie binge complete with pizza, beer and chilling on their sofa. 

“Not Ben?” It’s as if her brain is stuck on the last piece of information it’s been fed and keeps regurgitating it.

His lips thin and he purposely looks away from her, crossing his arms.

“No.” he says curtly.

The review Rey read mentioned Ben. He’s the actor linked to the character James Nicholson. Not some gorgeous action movie film star. She flicks her eyes to Rose’s glowing face and back to the brooding man in front of her. This is unexpected but really, they need the guy who has done the play before. Her mouth is moving before she can stop and think.

“But in Poe’s undergraduate play James Nicholson was performed by an actor called Ben. If you’re not him, you’re no use to us.”

Rose groans “Rey” and Kylo uncrosses his arms, spins in his chair to fix her with a hard stare.

“Really? Tell me sweetheart what did your last production gross because it won’t even inhabit the same galaxy as mine.” He bites out, leaving Rey reeling at the venom in his voice. “If my name is attached to this play, tickets will sell. They’ll sell so damn fast. I’m advising Poe to raise the price so that he can make a decent return for once.” His eyes flick down her form taking in the grubby, off white t-shirt and stained jeans she’d purposely worn today, so that getting filthy from the scaffolding wouldn’t matter. His opinion of her shines through in his sneer.

That look rings through her, dredging up memories of school and being judged by the cliques. Walking the corridors pretending to not see the derisive looks or hear the whispers about how _poor_ she was. 

“It’s not about money. It’s about artistic integrity. This requires a nuanced performance.” She’s moving forward and tapping the prompt book with her index finger “There’s no pyro techniques in this play to cover up any lapses in form.” She spits at him. 

“You think I can’t turn in a _nuanced performance_?” his voice low and controlled but his dark eyes drilling into her.

“I have no proof of your abilities other than I know you can throw a punch and remember to say your lines at the same time.” She tilts her head as if considering, “True, that’s film. Here you only get one take. Think you can manage that?” She crosses her arms over her chest. Rose leans over the table.

“Rey” she says harshly, “Enough.” Rose’s never taken that tone with Rey before, never had to and the rage drains out of her as she takes in her friend’s face. 

“Mr Ren, I’m sure you and Rey just got off on the wrong foot.” Rose cuts a sharp look in her direction whilst Ren snorts. He tilts back in his chair and looks at her expectantly. Great now she’ll need to grovel to the asshole.

“Right. Sorry. You weren’t who I was expecting.” She thinks he mutters _story of my life,_ but it’s too low to really make out. He raises his eyebrows, and she feels compelled to continue “I am sure you will sell tickets.” Both Rose and Ren look at her, the unspoken slight still in the air but she refuses to add anything more to the apology. Rose shakes her head disappointedly.

“Given that Rey is going to have her work cut out re-doing costumes, it’d be best to let her get started and then she can get out of your hair.” Rose gives them both a tight smile that softens when she looks towards him. Way to take my side, Rose.

Rey’s original issue, the teeny tiny one that this actor, has no previous experience of acting in _Letters of Hope_ , doesn’t seem to be a major concern to either Rose or Kylo, so she gives a tiny shrug to herself.

Only now does the realisation that she’s going to have to ask him to let her measure his inside seam settles on her. Her heart does an odd skipping before settling into a pace similar to how it beats during her morning run with Finn. 

Rey chastises herself, she’s a professional and ok, she doesn’t work with movie stars, but she does work with some big theatre names. There’s no reason to get this flustered. Rey drops her eyes to the desk, feeling her face heat as Rose continues.

“Kylo knows Poe. Known him for years and is between projects so was willing to help out.”

“That’s brilliant.” Rey intones with little enthusiasm. Rose gives a curt nod as if all unpleasantness is now settled and Kylo slumps back against the chair as if this is as far from brilliant as it can get. 

“I’ll just get my notebook and measuring tape. There will need to be a complete costume overhaul.”

His eyes narrow as he takes in her grimy outfit again. “I don’t tend to fit standard sizes.” He throws the statement out like a challenge.

“Uh-hu.” Rey reaches back to extract her moleskin book from her back pocket, forgetting the notebook that holds her entire world, is safely tucked away in her brown suede bag in her workshop. Smoothing her hand over her ass, she catches Ren’s eyes following the movement before looking away. She feels the sting of judgment land on her skin again. 

“I’ll get my notebook.” He tilts his chin up, as if granting her permission to get what she needs. 

Asshole. 

Rey doesn’t need his permission to leave the room like some kindergarten kid asking to go to the toilet. She arches an eyebrow at Rose as she takes leave of Poe’s office. Rose gives a barely there shrug, her mouth twists into a little moue but whither the pout is at Ren or Rey’s behaviour she isn’t sure.

Rey heads up a level to her workshop. She isn’t prone to hysterical outbursts but the sound of the door banging off the wall as she enters her room, soothes some of the jangling energy in her chest. The sewing worktable, a huge scarred scrubbed wooden table is scattered with material weights, scissors, and swatches of fabrics. The workshop is one of the biggest spaces in the building. It’s a joy for a seamstress really. The light from the early afternoon sun shines into her room and she feels that sense of ease she always gets in here. This is hers. Everything in here has its purpose from the bobbins of threads standing proud on the home made rack that Finn and her had repurposed out of some broken props to the rails of completed costumes and the pin board littered with her sketches. Every actor’s photo is up there with either a sketch or a photo of the finished outfit pinned underneath in the running order that they would be worn in the play. 

Sighing, she unpins Max’s photo and the costume sketches that appear under him. So much work wasted. She knows before she even gets her tape measure on Ren that there’s nothing she can salvage from Max’s costumes for him. The men are too different in their build. Even sitting down Rey can tell that Ren is powerfully built whereas Max is much leaner. She throws the pictures onto her desk already strewn with pattern pieces and hints of ideas roughly sketched out on random bits of paper before leaning down and scooping up her suede slouch bag from underneath. She riffles through its contents ensuring the notebook, a measuring tape and a pen are inside before slinging the bag over her shoulder and making her way back. 

Drawing nearer to Poe’s office, thoughts of getting close enough to wrap a tape measure around any part of Kylo made her insides shimmer. It was sod’s law that the first glimmer of attraction she’d felt for anyone since Bohdi had trashed her heart, would have to be for another arrogant prick of an actor. 

What kind of masochist is she? And with a client too. At least when she got together with Bohdi it was through friends, not work. This kind of thing just did not happen with Rey. She’s a professional who takes measurements all the time. It shouldn’t matter that she was going to measure Kylo Ren. He was a body, hell half the time she didn’t even _notice_ the fact she was in someone’s personal space. She’d measured countless bodies over the years but with him, well she couldn’t help but think about it _hard_. 

The man is built and Rey’s nipples, along with other parts of her, find that _fascinating_. 

Taking deep breaths doesn’t seem to be helping her body to find him any less interesting. She tries taking a few more breathes but knowing she’s taking too long means she keeps cutting the soothing breathes short. God, poor Rose had been left with him and his dark mood for ages. She shakes her head to try and clear it before taking the last few steps towards the office.

“Rey is amazing. She can source or make any costume.” Go Rose. Rey wants to rush in and high five her friend. 

“For most average actors I’m sure that’s true.” He manages to sound both bored and dismissive, “It won’t matter too much. When word gets out, the audience won’t be looking at the costumes. That’s not what they’ll come to see.”

It’s stunning his arrogance. _What a monumental dickhead._ Rey guesses that Rose’s silence means she’s thinking the same thing. It takes roughly half a second for the space vacated by her blossoming attraction to be filled with anger. 

How _dare_ he dismiss her work. 

Dismiss the work of everyone involved in the play. 

There are plenty of megalomaniacs in theatre. She’s had the unpleasant opportunity to work with one or two over the years, but it seems Kylo, is something else. 

“Right Mr Ren.” Rey, straight backed, strides into the room and doesn’t make eye contact with either Rose or Kylo. She pulls her items out of her bag and lays them on the desk and resolves to be professional all the way. Dropping the bag on the floor, she turns to face him and says in a clipped voice “It would be helpful if I could get your measurements now so that I can get started. You are a little freakishly proportioned.”

Both Rose and he startle at Rey’s assessment.

“Do you want me to strip here or is there at least somewhere private we can do this?” _yup pissed him off with the freak comment_ she thinks smugly.

“Here is fine. You don’t have anything Rose and I haven’t seen before and I’m sure you both want to get back to the script as soon as possible.” She gives him a cold smile whilst Rose’s jaw seems to come unhinged. 

Despite his dickishness, Rey is still in possession of eyes and a very over excited vagina. Her best option is getting the job done fast and get the hell away from him. Such a shame. He’s built like a God but has the personality of a demon. 

Having Rose in the room as she measures today is unusual. Unless it’s an extremely tight or structural costume, she measures guys in their stocking soles, a t-shirt, and jeans with no belt as it adds bulk. It can sometimes feel a bit awkward when she’s effectively hugging strangers to take their chest measurements. But she is a professional who has done this hundreds of times and usually the actors are more nervous than her. 

Usually.

He stands, looking utterly relaxed. He looks down at her as he pulls on the zip of the hoodie. The item of clothing gets flung on the floor near her feet as he holds her eyes. She can feel the challenge in them and refuses to look away. Her bland smile stays in place. 

Keeping his eyes on her, his hands go to his buckle and her eyes flicker involuntarily to his waist. He caught the look and smirks _. Sod the staring contest_. Quickly she turns to open her notebook, flicking to find a fresh page as if it isn’t worth her time to look at him. She hears the whistle of leather against denim as he pulls his belt through the belt loops. Rey starts jotting down all the usual measurements she’ll need to take, shoulder to cuff; bicep; waist; shoulder breadth with focused intensity. Finished, she looks up at Rose. Her friend has a glazed look in her eyes as if all her late-night fantasies are coming true and she’s burning from the intensity of her filthy thoughts. 

Rey hears him toeing off his shoes and the thud as he kicks them off, again, just missing her. Then the unmistakable sound of another zip and denim being pushed down his legs. Startled, she turns as he pulls his socks off with the legs of his jeans so that he’s standing there in tight black trunks and a black t-shirt only. 

Her lips part as she sucks in a breath. 

Rose squeaks. 

Rey grips the pen in her hand until her knuckles go white. Noticing this she drops the pen on the desk and picks up the tape measure. She runs it between her fingers repeatedly.

“That’s more than…” her throat is dry and her voice cracks.

“Oh no, having worked with _professionals_. I know it’s always best to get accurate measurements.” He reaches behind him and grabs the back of the t-shirt and pulls it over his head. Rose leans forward and cups her hands under her chin, content to just stare at the pretty man in front of her.

“Quite.” Rey bites out. _Unprofessional my arse, Dickhead_. “If you could just turn round and I’ll get the length of your back.” Kylo turns to face the wall away from the two women. Rose takes the opportunity to make a fanning motion to her face whilst Rey rolls her eyes. So, the guy has muscles on top of muscles, pfft, he’s nothing special she tells herself. 

Rey places one end of the tape measure at the vertebrae above his shoulders and runs it to where the top of the waistband of his trunks start, trying to ignore the way her hands shake slightly as she stands close to him.

Randomly she remembers that Robert Pattinson allegedly has horrific body odour to help deter all the fan girls. Unfortunately, this is not a tactic Ren is employing. The scent coming from him is peppery, fresh but cut through with something that smells a little like patchouli but not as heavy. It’s warm and attractive without being to floral and intrusive. It’s a smell she wouldn’t mind snuggling into. Being this close she can feel the heat radiating from his skin and she’s tempted to draw her fingertips down the indent of his spine all the way to that ass filling his trunks. Blood rushes into Rey’s face, and somewhere further south.

She clears her throat “Rose, could you take down these measurements?” and the other woman snatches up the pen and notebook staring at his body as if the numbers will appear tattooed on his skin. 

Rey calls out the first number and then rattles off the measurements for shoulder breadth, bicep (ridiculously impressive) and shoulder to cuff before taking another deep breath. Usually she would have the actor face her to take neck, chest, waist, hip and both inner and out seam measurements but usually they aren’t built like her own personal fantasy and standing almost naked in front of her. But this is her job. A job she is excellent at even if Kylo doesn’t think so. She isn’t about to start doing anything different with him than she does with anyone else. 

Besides, trying to take his neck measurement from behind would look as if she’s trying to throttle him, and as tempting as that idea is, it doesn’t exactly scream ‘I know what I’m doing.’

“If you could turn around please and raise your arms slightly.” He turned and now she’s face to face with his broad chest. Leaning in she wraps her arms round him to pass the tape measure round his back. Thoughts of body odour now have her worrying that she might not smell as fresh as she usually does thanks to shifting about two tonnes of scaffolding equipment earlier. Awkwardly, she tries to clamp her arms down to her sides to stop any offensive smells drifting in his direction. This stance brings her tighter into his body than normal so that she can get the ends of the tape to meet. This close and the combined effect of the heat and scent rolling off of him makes her nipples tighten. He’s altogether far too mouth-watering. She mutters the number to Rose who jots it down. 

Embarrassment at her unwanted reaction to him coils in her stomach and the more she tries to ignore it, the more it seems to suffuse the room. She drops the tape down and pulls it round his waist closing the ends over his navel and he huffs out a laugh. 

“Ticklish. Sorry.” He pulls a hand through his hair and she notices there’s a pinkish flush to his cheekbones.

Big girl pants time, Rey thinks. “Mr Ren, if you could hold this end of the tape here at your hip bone.” She hands him one end of the tape and not looking at him, she drops to her knees in front of him pulling the tape down until it hits just below his ankle bone. Images rush her of what she _really_ wants to do in this position and it doesn’t involve a tape measure. Wetness pools at her core. Poe is right, her lady bits enthusiastically approve of his physicality. 

God, she needs this to be finished. 

Now. 

“Mr Ren, if you could move the tape to your… ah, to your…”

“Crotch?” he asks as if it’s no big deal.

“Yes.” Rey keeps her eyes fixed on his very naked feet as she fiddles with her end of the tape. He makes the adjustment, and she pulls the tape taut before reading off the corresponding measurement to Rose. 

Rey had meant to push off from the floor so fast she wouldn’t even register his junk as she moved in a swift upward trajectory; do not pass go, do not collect 200 dollars. It would have worked beautifully if she hadn’t left the tape measure with Ren and he hadn’t tried to be helpful by leaning slightly forward to lay the tape on the desk. Their combined movement resulted in Rey getting a face full of the full $200.

“Oh God.”

“For Fuck -”

“I’m so sorry-”

“Is this how you get off? Assaulting your cast?” he bellows.

“What? That wasn’t deliberate-”

“Right. You’ve been pawing me the minute you started taking my measurements.” His eyes flash and he points to Rose “You. Give me a list of any final measurement needed and I’ll submit them myself.”

Incensed at the lack of apology for giving her a face full of dick, Rey uses her most schoolteacher voice to take control of the situation.

“Mr Ren. It was an accident. No harm done. Just let me finish.” but drawing his attention back to her is a terrible idea.

“No harm done?” he stalks towards her. Typically, Rey would have held her ground, but his bulk and fury has her backing up a step or two. He doesn’t touch her but seems to lean into her with intent. Rey’s aware that Rose has shot out of her seat but she more senses it than sees it as she can’t take her eyes off of Ren.

“No harm done? How would you feel if I grabbed you here?” he gestures towards her crotch. There’s no physical contact but his hand feels like it is barely an inch away from her, even though it’s further back. His pupils blown wide with anger. Despite the throb in her clit his proximity previously elicited, her attraction is now laced with a ripple of fear. 

This man is big and unpredictable. It conjures up moments from her adolescence when she lived with feeling vulnerable and the awareness that she might have to hide or fight on an almost daily basis. 

Her sense of self-preservation begins to kick in. He must have read something of it in her eyes as he snorts dismissively and turns away from her.

“I am an actor. Not a piece of meat. I would appreciate it if our interactions could be kept to a minimum.” He reaches down and gathers up his jeans and starts pulling them on. Rey, panicked and breathing hard, looks towards Rose for guidance as adrenaline floods her body. She wants out. Away from this brute. Rose gives her a nod and she flies from the room.


	3. taking care of business

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for all your lovely comments and kudos on this piece of nonsense. I should probably point out that I have zero theatre experience so if I get terms wrong, oops.  
> This is unbeta-ed so all mistakes are my own and this story is only being written to try and cheer me, and hopefully a few of you, up during this odd time.  
> For info TDF is the Theatre Development Fund Costume Collection in New York that allows theatre companies to rent costumes for productions.

“That was possibly _the_ highlight of my life.” Peals of laughter drift over Rey’s head. Having presumably dealt with Kylo, Rose is hellbent on retrieving Rey from hiding in her workshop.

“Glad I entertain you.” Rey mutters. Her fingers twist in the hair at the nape of her neck as she stares at her desk. Sketches of designs long since blurring into indistinct swirling blobs in front of her eyes. She blinks and lets out a slow exhale through her nose. 

“How bad is it?” she leans back rubbing her hands over her eyes.

Rose counts off Rey’s misdemeanours on her fingers.

“Eh, you criticised his acting, his physique, got up close and personal with his junk without permission and in his opinion, treated him like a piece of meat. I’d say pretty fucking amazing is what it is.”

“Rose.” Rey groans.

“Oh, come on. It was _brilliant_.” Her eyes flash with glee as she perches on the edge of the desk.

“For you, not so much for me. You live for this shit.” Rey feels heat creeping up her neck.

“Yup, but don’t worry, I got the rest of those _vital statistics_ you wanted. Including his shoe size. Please, look and tell me, from your experience, if everything is proportionate.” Rose unattractively snort laughs. “At least from now on your contact with the mean man will be kept to the minimum.” She tosses Rey’s notebook onto the desk. Rey snatches it up and starts to flick through the pages until a thought slams into her.

“Fuck – Poe – Rose, I’m fired. There’s no way, no way he’ll keep me on. His big shot pal is gonna want me gone.” Rey shoots out of her chair, voice rising, “I need to talk to him…explain…” but Rose catches her wrist and wraps her hand in Rey’s before she makes it out the door.

“Relax. It’s fine. I text him. He’s good.”

“He’s good?” disbelief colours Rey’s voice.

Rose drops Rey’s hand and starts straightening some of the papers on the desk. Rey cocks her head and look at her friend through narrowed eyes.

“What did you tell him?” her tone is sharp, because she knows Rose and her idea of humour.

“Nothing much.” She shrugs “Pretty much sent a blow job gif.” Rose can’t keep the amusement out of her voice. “I think that covers the essentials of the situation.”

“ _What_?” shrieks Rey. Laughing, Rose slides off the desk, banging her elbow as she falls.

“Ow.”

“Karma’s a bitch.” Rey says under her breath as Rose rubs her elbow. “Tell me you didn’t, Rosie. Please, tell me you didn’t.”

“Ok, I didn’t.” Rose gets to her feet and pulls down the edge of her t-shirt “Nah, of course I did.” At Rey’s pained expression she hastily adds “But I did follow it up with how it was an accident and that he might need to pet Kylo’s ego for a bit.” Rose gives Rey another casual shrug and an evil grin, “Poe replied you’re more Kylo’s type than him and seeing as you have a head start with the petting, you should ‘carry on’.”

Rey’s jaw drops. Out of respect for her friend, Rose tries to hide her sniggering behind her hand.

“Astounding. My career is pretty much in tatters and you fuckers are all going to laugh it up, aren’t you?”

“Pretty much. Now, stop moping. You’ve got six costumes to source or make, haven’t you?” Rose is all business again.

“Yeah, I’ll call in at TDF and see what Maz’s got in storage.” She frowns thinking of the measurements she’d taken earlier. “Problem is, I don’t think I’m going to get much off the rack that’s going to fit. The fucker is freakishly big.”

“Goodie.” Rose bounces on the balls of her feet and makes tiny hand clapping movements. “If you do have to make outfits from scratch, can I be there as you fit the pieces to his body?” Rey rolls her eyes shrugging on her jacket and stuffing her notebook into her bag. “I mean it’s probably the only way you’re going to avoid getting sued for sexual harassment, right, having a witness?” Rose says innocently.

“Rose, as much as I appreciate your help. Just, don’t.” Rey nudges Rose’s shoulder as she exits her office.

“Always happy to help.” Rose follows her out smiling widely, “and if you want to avoid your lover, I’d suggest going out the front. I took him down to the stage to meet everyone when you exiled yourself to your office. Phasma practically wet herself when she set eyes on him but you’re good; you’re still the only woman to get her hands – or face – on his cock this early on in the run. Although I feel as a friend, I should warn you, Hux is totally after your man.”

Rey gifts Rose a single finger salute as she makes her way out to the sound of her friend cackling behind her.

…

The afternoon turns into evening before Maz pushes Rey out the door with shoes and trousers for each required costume. Turns out a lot of actors have long legs and slim hips, but few are as broad through the chest and shoulders as Kylo. Maz’s comprehensive knowledge of the TDF’s stock meant she told Rey at 2pm that there wouldn’t be any shirts or jackets in that size. It took Rey until 6.30pm to believe her.

Waiting on the Uber she’s getting on Poe’s dime to arrive, she shifts the garment bags to one arm and leans down to kiss the crepe skin of Maz’s cheek.

“Thanks for everything. I’ll get the outfits I hired for Max’s costumes back as soon as I get a minute.”

“Hush child,” The older woman scolds, “you get that man of yours dressed first, and we’ll deal with everything else later.”

Rey laughs. “He’s not mine, Maz, and I’ve never been gladder to be able to say that.”

“You don’t need to keep him child, but with measurements like that, that’s one powerful man.” Maz states, eyes twinkling.

“You’re not wrong.” Rey shakes her head, “Dating an actor though, not worth the hassle. Been there, done that. They’re so needy.”

“How’d you know this one is needy? Ain’t you just met him?”

“All actors are needy.” Rey says emphatically. “They need the attention and the love of more than one person and I’m not fool enough to sign myself up for that kind of hard work again. Give me someone boring and dependable.”

“Lord child, would you listen to yourself? No one’s talking marriage here. A bit of fun now and then Rey, don’t hurt. It might be what you need. Lord knows I took my fun when I could get it and believe an old woman when she tells you child, I still like my men but they ain’t so keen on me now.” Maz gestures to herself laughing as Rey’s Uber pulls up.

Rey gives her a hug. “Who could resist you Maz?”

“Child, the question you should be askin’ is ‘who could resist you?’ Now get outta here and when you come back, I want details of all your fun.”

With the garment bags in the trunk, Maz waves her off and Rey fires off a text to Finn begging him to order in.

…

“So, any chance you’re going to fill me in on Face Dick?” Finn eyeballs her as she chokes on a piece of pepperoni. He thumps her back until she sucks in a ragged breath, then he takes another big bite of pizza and waits.

Gulping down water, Rey wipes her mouth with the back of her hand.

“What are you talking about?” she hopes fervently that the whole crew doesn’t know what happened.

“Oh, I think you know.” Finn gives her a suggestive wiggle of his eyebrows and by this alone Rey can surmise there’s a rumour circulating that she sucked Ren’s dick whilst Rose tap danced in the background or something.

“Finn, what have you heard?”

“Rose might have mentioned – ”

“– I’m going to kill that bitch.” Rey tosses her slice of pizza into the delivery box.

“You didn’t let me say anything but judging from your reaction, there’s a story. So, Face Dick, spill.” He gestures for her to continue.

“Eugh. Never say that combination of words to me ever again.” She rests her elbows on her knees and let’s out a long sigh. “It was an accident.”

“Always is with you.” He smirks and picks up a fresh slice of pizza before slumping back on the couch.

“Do you want to hear this or not?”

“Yeah, because what Rose is saying can’t be truth.”

“Fine.” She snaps, “He was being an arse and insisted on taking everything off to get measured –”

“– wait. Everything? Like everything?” Finn sits bolt upright. “That sexual harassment, Rey. I don’t care who he is, he can’t do that.”

“It wasn’t like that. And it wasn’t _everything_. Almost but not quite. Anyway, it was more about making the point that I’m a shitty unprofessional wardrobe mistress.” Finn’s eyebrows head towards his hairline and she can see him itching to defend her, but Rey continues. “He went on about, how _if_ I was a professional, I’d know that to do proper measurements he’d need to strip to his underwear.”

“What!?”

Rey waves away his outburst. “He stripped and …and Rose was there. He just wanted to make me uncomfortable.” She takes a breath when Finn jumps in again.

“He’s ripping you a new one about your professionalism while stripping down to next to nothing? Rose made it sound like you tripped into him and that he had pants on.” Finn’s eyes narrow in anger as he leans closer towards her. “How exactly did you get a face full of his dick? Was this really his way of making you _uncomfortable_?” An idea seems to hit him, and he reaches out for Rey. “Fuck, Rey, did he try to force himself on you?” he looks disgusted, “If he did, this is serious shit. I’m calling Rose right now and telling her to sort herself out and don’t think I won’t be speaking to Poe tomorrow too.” He grabs his phone off the table.

Horror floods through Rey at Finn’s mistake. How easy it would be for this to get completely misconstrued.

“Stop. It wasn’t like that. Honest. I measured him up, being as professional as I could under the circumstances. Like I said Rose was there and he didn’t say or do anything while I was measuring” she appeals to him. 

“Still not seeing how his dick ended up in your face Rey.” Finn says shaking his head.

“I measured his inside seam, because you know, job. When I was done…we both moved.” She cringes thinking about it. “He went to put the tape on the desk, and I started to stand and that’s when, you know.” She moves the palms of her hands closer together whilst watching Finn’s face as he works his jaw. “That’s it. Nothing else happened.” She shoves the biggest bite of pizza in her mouth she can manage to save her from saying anything else. Finn knows she had a shitty childhood but not about how threatened she’d felt at Plutt’s. 

Kylo didn’t touch her, but his sheer size and unpredictability combined with her history was a bit of a trigger for her but right now she doesn’t want to explain that to Finn. She wishes she didn’t have any experiences in her past that would necessitate an explanation but hey, no point in playing the ‘if wishes were kisses’ card. Truth is she didn’t get many kisses in childhood either. It is what it is, and she survived. It doesn’t affect her now. At least it didn’t until Ren.

“Uh-hu.” He nods, “Then why did Rose tell me that afterwards it was the sexiest fucking thing she’s ever seen, when he – as she put it – reprimanded you?” Rey swallows hard and blinks a few times. Had it been sexy? She’d spent the afternoon unsure if she had over-reacted or not. Yes, the whole encounter had an effect on her, sure, but there was too much panic there for it to be truly sexy. The whole thing showed Ren had a temper. Most other people would have seen it as an agonizingly awkward moment to be either ignored or laughed off. Ren’s response had been excessive. 

Rey knew from bitter experience that too much emotion wasn’t a good thing if people didn’t know how to channel it. Sure, he didn’t actually do anything. Yes, it was only for a few seconds and Rose was in the room. Ren didn’t know just how close he was to getting his junk swiftly moved into his chest cavity by her knee. Next time, if there was a next time, she wouldn’t hesitate.

She snorts. “Rose exaggerates.”

Finn rubs the back of his head considering. “She does, but Rey, the whole thing sounds fucked up.” He catches her eye. “You’d tell me if it gets weird, wouldn’t you? I don’t want anyone putting their hands on my sister, if she don’t want them to.” Rey’s insides melt a little. Of everyone, Finn knows the most about her childhood. Not everything. Somethings she won’t bring out into the light to examine even with the distancing effect of time on her side.

“Did you meet him, Finn?” Rey scoffs. “The way he looks; women want him to put his hands on them. He doesn’t need to force himself on anyone. Certainly not me and really, why would he?” She tries for a laugh, but it’s weak.

“Cut the bullshit Rey. I don’t care what he looks like or what everyone else wants. You let me know if he does anything to upset you cause, yeah, the guy’s big but I’d have a square go on your behalf.” 

Rey rolls her eyes. “Thanks Dad. I can handle myself you know.” But secretly she’s thrilled, even though she can take care of herself, knowing Finn has her back, feels good.

…

Poe holds his hand up and stops the actors on stage, mid-flow.

“What time do you call this?” his voice clear in the sudden silence. So much for sneaking in to catch a bit of the run through. She’d wanted to slip into the back of the auditorium and see how Kylo handled the character of James Nicholson, given he’d had the script for a hot five minutes. 

Truthfully, she wants to see him make an arse of himself and lose some of his professional snobbery. She hadn’t expected to be bawled out by Poe.

“Eleven forty. Why?” the look she’s getting from Kylo makes her tone sharper than she intends. 

“I asked everyone to be here for the first run through with Kylo.” Stress is evident in his voice. Perhaps he doesn’t have as much confidence in his old friend as he made out.

“When?” she glances over at Finn who’s slumping further into his chair. He hadn’t mentioned anything but the shifty look on his face tells her that he was supposed to. He mouths ‘sorry’.

“Last night. I wanted everyone here at ten, and I thought you would have seen the importance of that.” As Poe rails her, smugness radiates off Kylo as he gains further proof of her shoddy work ethic. Rey is itching to stick her tongue out at him.

“Sorry Poe but if you remember, I was at TDF getting costumes yesterday afternoon and this morning I was sourcing patterns and fabric for everything I’ll have to make.” She holds up the bags in her hands as proof.

Poe looks chastised for his outburst. “Of course.” He scratches the back of his head, looking between the stage and Rey as she sets down the bags and rubs at the ridges the handles have dug into her fingers. He motions to her and she gathers them up again, making her way down towards Poe’s row.

“Guys sorry, I’d really like Rey’s input. Can you take it from the top of scene three? The letter, Kylo?” Phasma walks up stage for the top of the scene; Hux rolling his eyes and tutting as he walks off stage left. Kylo moves downstage, putting him closer to the audience. Rey notes the lack of script in his hands. As he traverses the short distance his face and posture change. As she drifts into a seat near Poe, she can see him begin to inhabit James Nicholson. A beat of silence and when he speaks next, there’s a lilting Scottish burr to his words.

_‘My love, my heart, I have no wish to burden you with my reality, but I find I cannot keep it at bay. War makes slaves of all men, the victors and the vanquished alike. I cannot tell who is winning but I know my servitude is a futile attempt to repair bodies ripped asunder by bullets and mortar._

_‘I do not mean to complain. I acknowledge that what I have, is a far richer life than that of the men who pay a higher price in this war than I. God knows I see their twisted limbs and torn flesh every time I close my eyes.’_ Ren closes his eyes briefly and in that moment anguish is writ large on his expressive face.

_‘But not here my darling. Here in my letters I assert my right to be a free man. Freedom: that state of grace I held so carelessly when it was mine to squander. I want to hope Emma. To dream of the life that awaits me, with you, once this hell is over.’_

_‘Please Emma, as you wait, as I wait. Wait with me. Dream with me.’_ His eyes burn with emotion.

The hairs on the back of Rey’s arms sweep to standing and there’s a fuzzy pressure at the back of her eyes. The reason she’d always loved the character of James Nicholson since she read _Letters of Hope_ in school was that even though their circumstances were vastly different, both Rey and ‘James’ knew what it meant to stubbornly cling to your dreams of a better future. 

The desperation in Kylo’s rendering of James’s words, his desire for any kind of future, resonates through her and in doing so, Kylo fades into the background so that only James remains. It’s an astonishing performance given that he’s had so little time to prepare. 

Shit, the man can act. 

Rey groans. His posturing yesterday had not been baseless bravado. She acknowledges that if she were as skilled, she’d be pissed off at some nobody dismissing it.

Once ‘James’ finishes his speech, he freezes in place downstage and Phasma or ‘Emma’ leads the action with Hux’s character ‘Henry’. Poe leans into her.

“What do you think?” his voice low to not disturb the actors.

“I think your friend has just saved your ass.” She whispers.

“Yeah, that’s a given but what do you think, costume wise? I know you’ve been out already, but I feel that the standard Edwardian outfit isn’t enough. There’s a shit load of repression going on and holding himself together, you know?”

“I get that. If he’s playing it all like that last scene, there’s a definite sense of ‘I am in control but if you tug hard on this thread I’ll fall apart.’ I’m thinking lots of buttons. Structural pieces. Nothing soft or comforting, formal the whole way.” She tilts her head and imagines Kylo dressed in the starched collar, constricting tie, buttoned up waistcoat and jacket. Her eyes slide over him, she can see it in her mind. Knows the tweaks she’ll need to make in the patterns. There’s a grudging acceptance that he’s going to look good.

Correction, _she_ is going to make him look good. Ok, not exactly hard, given what or rather who, she’s working with but still, it’ll be her that will ensure the audience will be swooning.

“Yes, that’s what I’m talking about.” Poe smiles and grabs her hand. He lifts it to his mouth and kisses the back of her hand making her giggle a bit louder than she’d intended. “These magic hands, Rey, they’re going to bring this to life.” She blushes and looks back to the stage, Kylo remains still, part of the tableau, gazing out over the audience but she has the sense that his eyes had been on her before she turned around.

…

The cast run through the remaining three acts with only minor technical adjustments. Phasma’s energy with Kylo smoulders. They looked like a couple. ‘James’ contempt for ‘Henry’ is perfectly vitriolic. The revelation that Emma hadn’t waited, hadn’t held out for her love, seems all the more tragic. The character’s short-sighted acceptance of ‘Henry’s’ stability over the uncertainty of ‘James’ return from war; it had never been so affecting with Max in role. 

Kylo and Phasma spark off each other. The intensity of their performance makes ‘Emma’s’ recognition of her internment in a one-sided marriage all the more devastating. And ‘James’ rage? Kylo played it as if all his fury would burn him alive but he is containing it just enough that it doesn’t destroy ‘Emma’. 

Previously, the way Max and most actors Rey had ever seen playing the character, gave ‘James’ options by the end of the play. It is always clear that ‘James’ still loves ‘Emma’ and he’d do anything to save her from the burden of guilt over how she broke them. 

Rey had fallen in love with that version of ‘James’. 

Even if he hadn’t wanted the out, ‘James’ had gotten away from the society wife who hadn’t loved him enough. The sense that there was someone better waiting on ‘James’, and despite having been lied to and deceived by his fiancée and ex-best friend, he would go on and forge his own path and find happiness _. Letters of Hope_ always left the audience with bitter-sweet emotions at the end.

Nu-uh, not the way Kylo plays it. 

The sense that he would be alright is gone. In its place is the heavy foreboding that he would love someone else; but loving them would be an act of revenge. He would kill his past by creating a future so brilliant it would blind his enemies. 

Rey _hated_ what Kylo had done with the character. 

She could appreciate Kylo’s talent raised the whole production. But Kylo’s interpretation of love and redemption was all _wrong_. Instead of casting outward, and making everything it touched better, this love drew inward into a raw point of focus, almost pain. 

Rey shivers. As she looks at Kylo, sweating lightly after the last emotional scene and she feels an irrational wave of dislike towards him for what he’s done to her fantasy leading man.

Poe gets to his feet and claps “Well done everyone. Grab lunch and after, I want to go over a few key scenes with Jyn and Cassian so that we get those lighting and sound cues down.”

The crew bustle out of the auditorium and Poe ushers Rey out of her seat so he can move down to the edge of the stage. 

“Kylo, you’ll be able to stay on a bit after that, right?” the actor nods. “Great. I imagine Rey will need you later.” Kylo’s dark eyes leave Poe’s and find Rey; his face blank but yet she feels he is tallying a great many of her flaws in his mind as he regards her.

“Make sure you have a chaperone, Kylo. I heard what she got up to last time.” Hux sneers and Rey feels the flash burn of embarrassment.

Poe’s hand comes down lightly on Rey’s shoulder and he quirks his eyebrow. 

“Do I detect some jealousy?” the sour actor shrugs. “An accident, Hux.” 

Poe moves away from Rey and hauls himself up onto the stage before straightening up beside Kylo. “Could happen to anyone, right buddy?” he slaps his hand on Kylo’s shoulder. Poe has a barely repressed grin on his face and Kylo still has that awful, blank look as if she is nothing. Yeah, Kylo definitely isn’t seeing the humour in the situation. Rey breaks eye contact, turning to gather her stuff. She’s out of here. The less she has to do with Kylo Ren, the better.


	4. she works hard for the money

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you everyone for your lovely comments and kudos xx

The notebook’s creased spine keeps it open flat on the floor beside Rey. Sitting crossed legged on the floor, Rey double checks Kylo’s measurements as she works. Long hours tracing and altering pattern pieces is resulting in an increasing amount of tracing paper littering the floor and a building resentment towards Kylo. 

As she traces and adds the necessary ease to the pattern pieces, she curses him. Her scissors haven’t even cut through a single piece of cloth yet and she has a grand total of nine pieces of clothing to make from these patterns in order to complete the six outfits needed for the play. Knowing this isn’t improving her mood. 

“Busy?” 

Rey startles and her pen scores across the pattern. Fuck. She’ll need to trace that piece again. Dropping the pen, she takes in a slow breath and wills a smile onto her face before looking back over her shoulder. No matter what Kylo thinks, she is a professional and she won’t be cowed by some pretentious movie star. She won’t be goaded into losing her temper this time, nor will she let him see how unsettled he makes her feel. 

Kylo lounges against the door jamb, arms crossed over his chest. 

“What time is it?” Rey begins lifting pieces of onionskin paper searching for her phone and a time.

“Six twenty. Poe said I needed to come by for a fitting.” He supplies in a low, rich voice.

“What? No Hux to chaperone?” Rey stiffly gets out of the position she’d been in for hours. She stretches long to ease the tension in her shoulders and spine. Sighing as she arches her back, she leisurely pulls her arms above her head. Opening her eyes and catching the look on his face, his eyes darker than before, and it suddenly feels like too familiar a move to be doing in front of him. She quickly straightens.

Kylo smirks “I’m a big boy. I don’t need a chaperone.”

“That you are.” She quips before realising what she’s implied. “I mean… you’re big…all over…not just that you’re _big_.” Her hand, through no consultation with her, is vaguely gesturing in the vicinity of his groin. Rey’s eyes widen, God, she’s made a reference to the size of his cock. “I’ll...I’ll just stop talking.” They’d been doing so well and then, yeah, she’s suddenly Cynthia Plaster Caster giving her opinion on his cock. Ren’s half smirking smile morphs into a tight line and he rigidly pushes himself off the jamb.

Scowling he moves into the room. “Do you have anything for me to try on?”

Carry on, pretend it didn’t happen, she thinks, maintaining eye contact despite the glowering. “Well, there’s a few trousers I got yesterday but nothing else is at the stage I can fit it to you as yet.” She gestures to the pattern sheets scattered around.

“I’ll try the trousers.” He holds his hand out expectantly.

“Right, they’re here somewhere.” She turns to look behind her desk and he lets out a sigh of exasperation. “I’ll just be a minute.” Stroppy arse.

Rey roots through the bags tucked away under her desk. “Ok, these should fit in the waist and hip. Might be a smidge short in the legs but we’ll see once you’ve got them on. If they’re a disaster, I’ll add a false turn up to lengthen them.” She hands him a pair of trousers. He stands there with them in his hands saying nothing, one eyebrow raised. It takes her a moment to catch up.

“Oh, somewhere to change. Right. Probably best not to change in front of me again.” She laughs, unfortunately he doesn’t. “Right. Use Poe’s office, downstairs?” she bounces on the soles of her feet. It doesn’t seem to matter what she tries, there’s a weirdness to all their interactions.

“Right. Do you want me to show you them or…?” he looks like the last thing he wants is to be in her vicinity again.

“If you could.” After he leaves, Rey groans. The stench of crushing embarrassment is going to hang about every one of their interactions, she knows it. That, coupled with his obvious disgust in her lack of professionalism, is going to make for a fun week. 

She’s ordering the pattern pieces on her desk, careful not to get any of the patterns mixed up when she catches a flash of movement out of the corner of her eye as he moves silently towards her on bare feet. He’s gracefully for such a big man but perhaps it isn’t surprising, actors use their physicality every day to their advantage. And he definitely has the advantage here. Rey tries to swallow but her throat is dry, making her voice crack. 

“So… how do they feel?”

“The fit feels fine.” The trousers, a herring bone pattern in silver and pewter grey suiting material, hang perfectly from his hips and ass. 

With his black cotton t-shirt and formal trousers, he looks like he’s just home, stripping off for a shower after a hard day at the office. He’d smile at her, fill her in on the details of his day as he pulls out fresh clothes from his wardrobe. 

Except he won’t. Not with her. 

Rey quickly dismisses _that_ particular fantasy. Kylo Ren is not the domestic type, there’s an edge to him she’d do well to remember. He is not someone to snuggle with, because Kylo Ren bites and so does she.

After looking at the fit critically she retrieves a pair of black leather lace up Cheltenham brogues from one of her bags.

“Can you please put these on and walk for me?” Rey doesn’t look him in the eye as she holds out the shoes. He moves past her and sits on the low stool she uses when she’s hemming outfits. It seems like a piece of doll’s furniture with this giant perched on it. She waits, shifting her weight on her feet, sometimes balancing on the outer edges of her trainers before letting her feet return to a more grounded position. Ren glances up from trying the laces and catches her.

“I make you nervous.” Well, he’s straight to the point. Rey can kinda appreciate that but there’s no way she’s giving him the power here.

“No.” she snaps up straight.

He raises himself to his full height and looks down on her. “I made you nervous yesterday.” She opens her mouth to protest but he frowns at her and puts a hand up to ruffle his hair. “It wasn’t my intention. I only wanted you to realise that I should be treated with respect.”

Rey notes it’s not a real apology and it makes her snippy. “You have to treat others with respect in order to expect it in return.”

“Those that deserve my respect get it.” Is he closer or is it just his height making him look down on her giving that impression? Rey gives him a flat smile.

“Who would be on that hallowed list?” she scoffs.

“Poe, perhaps Phasma. The set guy, Finn seems decent.” She smiles at the mention of her flatmate and nods her agreement. “The lighting director.” He’s… somehow…definitely closer.

“Jyn” she supplies for him.

“Jyn.” He agrees.

“Not Hux?” He seems to be everywhere. Rey’s heart is strumming in her chest. There’s no panic, not yet.

“Not Hux.” He’s staring at her, he’s so close, she could reach up and tuck that strand of hair that’s falling across his forehead back into place. The space between them crackles with tension.

The feeling is not comfortable and it’s ratcheting higher the longer they stand there. 

She’s about to make a wise-ass crack about her name being noticeably absent from his list. Anything to stop this is.

“Hey.” Finn steps into her workshop.

Kylo turns away and walks a few steps back and forth, testing the fit of the brogues. Rey swallows and clears her throat and acknowledges her flatmate who is looking at her oddly, knowing she’s not right but she’s glad Finn can’t discern that she’s reeling from the intensity of whatever the hell that was.

“Hey Finn.” She gives him a warm smile. Her neck prickles as she feels the weight of Ren’s eyes on her.

Finn moves closer to her but his eyes flick to Ren and his brows lower. “Just wanted to check on you. I’m heading back to the apartment, are you good to go or do you think you’ll be here a bit longer?” Finn looks over the patterns and at Ren who is taking another pair of shoes out of one of the bags she’d pulled earlier.

“I think I’ll be another couple of hours.”

“Ok, do you want me to hold off eating ‘til you get home?” Finn says as he gathers her in for a hug.

“Nah, I’ll pick up something on the way.” She squeezes and releases him. “I don’t plan to be much later than nine.” Out of the corner of her eye she can see Ren really studying the shoes.

“You’ll text me when you’re leaving, right? I want to know when you’re coming home.” Finn says this a bit louder as if for Ren’s benefit.

“Will do. See you at home. Bye.” She waves and Ren gives a little head nod as Finn leaves.

Sucking in a deep breath, she asks Ren to walk for her. He seems more closed off than before and she feels a nervousness settle over her now that it’s just the two of them.

“Length looks good.” She’s staring at his ankles and nodding. What the hell happens to her in his presence? She looks like an idiot, sounds like one too as she says. “Yup, length is great.”

“Do you need me to try on the others?” he asks.

“No, thanks, but if I can catch you throughout the day tomorrow, I’ll get some of the other pieces made up and check sizing then.” She gestures to the mound of pattern pieces.

Kylo goes to change and Rey sends a text to Poe telling him she expects to be late and she’ll lock up. He replies that he doesn’t want her here on her own, so he’ll hang about doing some work and to come find him before she leaves. 

Rey appreciates it, not that the building is scary, but it does take on a strange echoey quality when she’s here alone. With her evening sorted she spreads the cotton shirting material she got to compliment the herringbone trousers Kylo tried on, out on the cutting table. She’s leaning over the table smoothing the material with the flat of her hand ensuring it’s wrinkle free when that sensation of being watched slides over her. Something flashes in the depths of his eyes when she glances over her shoulder at him.

“Ah, that you then?” she says with a smile that’s forced. How does this man set her body on fire and put her on edge at the same time?

“I’m going to run through a few items with Poe and then head.” He hands over the folded trousers with the shoes on top and she takes them and deposits them on the end of the cutting table.

“See you tomorrow.” He gives another little head nod and disappears down the stairs. He does that a lot and Rey’s not sure if it’s a shy thing or an arrogant dismissing thing. From her previous experience with him, she’s guessing it’s an arrogant thing.

Rey lets out the breath that she’s held onto for a little too long, sagging slightly against the table. Ren might be someone to be wary of, an arrogant arse, but he’s also talented, gorgeous and able to bring her body to life with a few intense looks. 

“Fantasy, Rey” she mutters to herself and starts to focus on setting out her pattern pieces on the cotton.

***

Her eyes are stinging and her right hand, the one she cuts with, is aching across the back of her hand. Glancing at her phone, it’s ten to nine. She’s starving, tired and sore. With all the pattern pieces cut for two shirts and a waistcoat done, it’s time to call it a night. It’s surprising Poe hasn’t stuck his head around the door and chased her out of here. 

Rey groups the material pieces with their respective pattern pieces on top and places a large fabric weight onto top to stop them from getting mixed up so that she can get straight on with the sewing first thing tomorrow. She throws a few items in her bag, slings on her jacket, and flicks off the light as she leaves.

There’s no sign of Poe in his office, nor is he in the auditorium. Odd. If he’d left already, he’d definitely have messaged her. Pushing open the doors at the back of the stage that lead to the set of stairs to the little staff kitchen tucked in the basement and the smell of Chinese food wafts up to her. 

“You better be prepared to share Dameron, I’m starving.” She shouts as she descends. Grinning, she enters the kitchen but stops abruptly when she sees it’s not Poe, but Ren that’s sitting at the scratched up white Formica table littered with takeout cartons.

“Oh, sorry.” She’s blushing, why is she blushing? “I thought you were Poe.”

“He had to head out, I said I’d wait. Have you eaten?” he says. There’s no animosity in his voice which, for them, is a first.

“You didn’t need to do that. Thanks, but I’m not that hungry, I’ll get something at home.” Rey’s already taking a step backwards out of the kitchen.

He slowly raises his eyebrows. “I think your exact words were that you were starving. I got extra for you anyway.” He says it dismissively as it’s no matter to him if she eats with him or not, no big deal.

She stops and looks at him sharply. “You did?”

“Uh-hu. You’re the only other person here and you wouldn’t be working this late if it wasn’t for the changes to the play.”

“That’s … that’s very kind of you.” And surprisingly thoughtful. Not quite what she would have expected from him.

He laughs. It’s a nice sound. Rich and deep and causing shivers to slide down her spine.

“And you sound so surprised. I’m not that bad.”

“You are.” That came out a bit too quick.

He tilts his head to the side; it feels like he’s looking for something in her expression. “I haven’t been on my best behaviour with you. But I don’t think you’ve been on your best behaviour with me, either.” He smirks and offers the carton with the spring rolls. Rey hesitates. “It’s pissing Poe off that I upset you.” He shakes the carton a bit to tempt her. “They’re vegetarian, I wasn’t sure if you ate meat or not.”

She really wants to get out of there, not spend a minute longer with this man and his mercurial moods but an innate sense of manners convinces her it’d be rude to leave when he’s making an obvious attempt at being nice.

“I pretty much eat anything, so these are great.” She drops into a chair, takes one and bites into it, enjoying the first foods to pass her lips in nearly ten hours. She hums her appreciation, and he looks at her a fraction too long making Rey feel self-conscious, she brushes away any possible crumbs from her mouth when Ren turns away and starts placing some spring rolls on his plate.

“I’ve had a look in the fridge and it’s pretty much water from the cooler or some fruit teas I found in the back of the cupboard.” He gestures over his shoulder to the cupboard.

“I wouldn’t use those teabags. They’ve been in there since I started here a couple of years ago.”

“Water it is.” He gets up and fills two glasses from the cooler and hands one to her.

“Cheers.”

“Cheers.” She repeats. They take a little from each carton until there’s little mounds of vegetarian chop suey, chicken fried rice and beef in oyster sauce heaped on both their plates. There’s a silence that’s filled only with the sound of them eating and drinking. 

It’s awkward. Enforced socialization with the spectre of Poe asking her to play nice hovering over her shoulder.

Rey wishes she’d just made her excuses and gone straight home. Except the food is good and her stomach appreciates it. Ren doesn’t say anything. He only eats and glances her way on occasion.

“It’s not like Poe to leave and not say goodbye.” She says just to fill the silence.

“I told him to go. He knew I needed to go over my notes from today and he assured me you had keys to lock up.” She nods at his explanation. “Plus, as I said, this is my form of a peace offering.”

Rey wonders if in their discussed over the rocky start, Poe recommend bringing her food as the quickest way to establish a cease fire. As usual, he’s right. Rey’s not ready to trust Ren in any way but Chinese food is a good gambit, so she tentatively extends her own olive branch.

“You were really good today.” She says it quickly as if it pains her to compliment him.

“Oh?” his fork stops moving and hovers in the air.

She keeps looking at her plate. “Hmm. Yes, you have a lot more talent than I thought.” Ren’s fighting a pleased looking smile. “I don’t like _at all_ what you’ve done with the character by the end of the play but even I can see that it’s a powerful performance.”

“What don’t you like about it?” he questions, eyes roving over her face.

“I don’t know, it seems like by the end James is only going to find someone else to love as an act of revenge. Not because he loves the other person but because he’ll love them in spite of himself and to spite Emma. It’s quite a fucked-up way of looking at relationships really.”

“I guess you like the noble version where James is forgiving and promising he’ll love someone else to ease Emma’s guilt? The version where he still loves her more than he loves himself?” Ren tilts his head studying her. “Didn’t take you for a romantic.”

  
Rey wonders what she’s projecting to make him think she’s not romantic. 

“I’m not much of a romantic.” She totally is. “But isn’t that what the whole thing is about, hope? I mean the play’s called _Letters of Hope_. Surely there needs to be some sense that there’s hope for James with someone else?”

The look Ren throws her is derisive. He takes the cooling mouthful of food from his fork, swallows and then rips apart her interpretation of the play.

“Rey, it’s called _Letters of Hope_ because only the letters are hopeful. Hopeful, that the kind of love James wants exists. When all around him there’s nothing but proof that it doesn’t.” He casually hooks his arm over the back of his chair, taking her in. “There’s no love for the men whose lives are nothing but cannon fodder in a loveless war. No love from a best friend who steals his fiancée and no love from the selfish fiancée herself, who only takes what she can get for an illusion of stability.” He takes a sip of water. “James has absolutely no proof that love is real except for his imaginings regarding it. That’s what he writes to Emma about. That’s why love can be used as a tool by him to extract revenge, inflict pain.” He shrugs as if it’s all no big deal. “Cause in the end that’s all love is really, a tit for tat scoring system that two people agree to engage in.”

“Who shat in your cereal?” Ren looks offended at her outburst. “You don’t really believe that do you?” He makes a dismissive sound as he reaches forward to dig out the last of the beef in oyster sauce from the carton. Rey knows she’s staring at him but it’s just so cruel, the cold transactional way he views love. 

She might not know what it feels like to be loved unconditionally by another, but she knows in her gut that love is real. Others, maybe not her, get to experience it. At some point, if she’s lucky, she might too. Rey throws her fork on the plate. “I don’t believe that. Love isn’t some sort of transaction, it’s real and meaningful.”

“Is that what you and Finn have?” He holds her eyes and there’s a challenge in them. 

“What Finn and I have?” _What’s he talking about?_ But then the scene upstairs runs through her mind, Finn checking on her, hugging her, telling her he’ll see her at home and … _oh_. 

Ren wouldn’t be the first person to meet the pair of them and assume that they’re a couple, but this might be the first time it’ll work in Rey’s favour.

Rey needs to keep this man at a distance and maintain her professional demeanour. Something she’s been struggling with as Ren’s effect on her leaves her insides roiling with lust tinged with a little fear from his unpredictability. 

To be fair, that fear is lessening thanks to a some take away, bad, awkward chatting and Poe’s obvious trust in him. But in its absence, it’s leaving only annoyance at his ego and her burning desire to jump him, rushing in to fill the void. Not exactly the best foundations to build a professional relationship on. 

But letting Ren think Finn and her are together will give them a barrier of some sort. There won’t be any of that weird sexy tension from earlier between them and that’ll definitely help her to remain as professional as possible. 

She grins wide. “Yes, it’s exactly what Finn and I have.” It’s not a lie, they do love each other and neither of them keeps a tally of who does what for the other. It’s just that it’s a platonic love. With the spectre of fake boyfriend Finn between them, Rey can feel herself relaxing in his presence.

“It must be nice to be so in love.” He has a mocking smirk on his face. Even though this feels too intimate a discussion to be having with a man she’s known for less than forty-eight hours and whose personality up until recently, she’d describe as stuck somewhere between megalomaniac and surly git. But he’s so _dismissive_ about the whole concept, as if he knows better, it makes it difficult for her to back down.

“Yes.” Not that she’d know. She thought she’d seen flashes of the possibility of love in the past – maybe Bohdi before he realised Rey wasn’t enough for him. Ren doesn’t need to know that in Bohdi’s opinion, Rey’s too fucked up to keep a relationship going.

“Well, if someone like you can manage it, that gives me hope that one day, I too, can have it all.” His voice is heavy with sarcasm.

Rey feels the hit but can’t discern why she’s under attack. She narrows her eyes at him.

“Given that there’s literally hordes of women desperate to chuck their panties at you, I wouldn’t have thought you’d have a problem and what do you mean by ‘someone like me’?” Rey crosses her arms.

Ren leans back in the chair causing it to tilt onto the back legs and rubs his index finger across his bottom lip as if debating whether or not to elaborate. He moves the hand away from his face and brings all four chair legs back to the ground.

“The panty chuckers,” she can’t help sniggering at the description, “love an image, a mask. Not me. Not a flawed human with a bad temper, a dirty sense of humour and zero interest in fashion.” Rey gives a mock gasp at this confession and his mouth quirks up into a half smile before continuing. “So yes, dating from that particular pool is problematic. And by ‘someone like you’, I meant if someone as snappish and yet somehow nervous and awkward as you, can find love, then there’s definitely hope for me. Don’t you think?” There’s a mischievous gleam in his eyes that lessens the sting of his assessment.

“Yup, if you just stand there looking gorgeous and don’t open your mouth, you’d stand a chance.” He roars with laughter and there’s a rush of prickly embarrassment at her realisation she’s just admitted she thinks he’s attractive. And his laugh is delicious, not that she’ll be telling him that. Soldiering on she continues. “I think that might be your best plan of action.”

His smile is causing his eyes to crinkle at the corners. “Clearly you see through the image. Truth be told I think you don’t like me very much.”

Rey shrugs in as offhand a way as she can manage.

“So far, apart from this feast, you haven’t done anything to prove there’s anything about you to like. But this was definitely a good start.” She sticks her hand out towards him. “Maybe we should start over and we might just make it through the run without killing each other. For Poe’s sake.”

He repeats her words slowly and nods. “For Poe’s sake.”

“Hi, I’m Rey, I work in wardrobe.”

Ren looks at the proffered hand for a moment before sliding his much larger warm hand into hers. He engulfs her hand so much his index finger wraps around her wrist, stroking against the sensitive flesh there and it’s a curiously intimate gesture for such a neutral display of friendship. Rey has to force herself not to react to it.

“Kylo Ren, actor. Pleasure to meet you.” And the way he says those words makes Rey imagine all the ways they could have pleasure together and the last crumb of her fear gets swept away in an avalanche of lust. 

Thank God he thinks she’s seeing Finn, or she’d definitely be in trouble.


	5. Secret Smile

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For information blocking is when actors and directors work out where they will stand/move/what action they will make at certain words or scenes.  
> Enjoy!

“Explain to me again why I’m your fake boyfriend.” Finn takes a sip from his coffee.

“Because.” Rey bumps him with her hip to give her space to reach the cereal in the cupboard behind him. She takes in his expectant face as she pours the cereal and milk in her bowl. “Look, everything just seemed less…weird between us when he thought you and I were a thing and it’ll make my life so much easier.” She takes a spoonful of breakfast to avoid elaborating that appearing to be in a relationship helps to tamp down on her ridiculous attraction towards Kylo.

“For you maybe, but not for me.”

“What do you mean?” she says around a mouthful of cereal. Finn looked uncomfortable and shifts on his feet.

“There’s – maybe – there’s someone I like at New Hope and if they thought I was seeing you then it’d kinda kill my chances with them.”

Rey’s eyes go round and she lowers the bowl of cereal. “Who?” she demands.

Finn huffs. 

“You do not need to know. They know we aren’t seeing each other but if we started saying we are, it’d really fuck things up for me.” He shakes his head and takes another drink of coffee.

“I so _do_ need to know.”

“No, Rey, you don’t. I really like this person and I want things to work out without you trying to match make us.”

Rey fakes outrage. “I wouldn’t dream of –”

“You would.” He cuts in with a smirk on his face.

“Only a little if it looked like you needed a hand.” He snorts at this. “I won’t meddle, just do a bit of cheerleading.”

“Rey.” He gives her a severe look over his coffee cup before sighing. “I don’t mind if there’s a bit of confusion about us with Ren, God knows every new start always thinks we’re a couple anyway, but I won’t say we’re together if I’m asked.”

“That’s all I need Finn. I don’t want you to do anything different, just don’t point out that we’re only flatmates to him. He’s so arrogant, he probably won’t ask. That guy thinks he knows everything anyway.” Finn nods and looks into his coffee cup thoughtfully. “Are you sure you won’t tell me who you have a crush on? I could help you know.”

“Honestly, Rey, your help would probably be the kiss of death to this thing.” And he hip bumps her before heading out of the kitchen to get ready to leave.

****

Her needle is like quicksilver, in and out basting the material together in preparation to machine sew. It’s already noon and she’s only partially finished the waistcoat she started this morning. Rey picks up her button tin and searches for the small beetle black buttons that she knows she got as part of an end of line sale and has more of them than anything else. Typical of this time period, the waistcoat is double breasted. Normally it would have had maybe six, or at a push, eight buttons but for the whole repressed vibe Kylo is giving off as ‘James’, she’s going to do twelve. Only four will be working buttons, the rest will only sit on the top of the garment and Velcro on the inside will supply a good fit and ease of changing between scenes. She starts marking with tailor’s chalk the button placement when a movement in her periphery distracts her. 

Think of the devil and he will appear. 

Ren doesn’t look as if he’d been hesitant to disturb her.

“Hi, people are stopping to grab lunch, are you coming down?”

“Hmm?” Rey looks up more fully from her sewing. “Oh, no.” she shakes her head. “I’ll be working through for the next couple of days.” She smiles at his grimace. “It’s fine, I’ve got my lunch here and I’ll feel better knowing I’ve got everything done.” Rey goes back to placing the buttons almost forgetting that Ren is still standing there. 

“You should stop you know.” He says in a low, authoritative voice.

Rey resists the urge to roll her eyes. Working through lunch is a pain in the ass but she doesn’t need someone else coming in telling her how to run her schedule, particularly when they are the cause of the extra workload.

“It’s fine, I’m used to it.” She makes a show of pulling the fabric round into a better position hoping he’ll take the hint and leave. He’s still standing there and his hovering is annoying. 

“Is there anything else you need?” she asks pointedly.

“Would it be ok if I ate in here?”

“What? Why?” Rey pricks herself with a pin. “Fuck.” she mutters under her breath and suck on the tip of the finger to ease the sting.

“Uh,” Ren ruffles the back of his hair and almost looks abashed, “not to sound like an asshole,” she smirks around the finger she’s sucking, as if he could sound anything but an asshole, she thinks nastily, “but there’s quite a lot of gushing going on over my career and I don’t want to spend my lunch talking about me.”

“Hux?” she asks laughing. It’s quite refreshing to hear a leading man say he wants to skip out on a love fest over how amazing he is, Rey’s not sure she’s ever met an actor who didn’t live for that sort of undivided attention.

“Yeah, and as we noted last night, you aren’t that keen on me so… no fear of any gushing here.” He gives a little self-depreciating smirk.

Well, not that kind of gushing Ren, thinks Rey.

“Yeah, fine but you can’t talk to me, I’m working.” She jabs a pin in his direction for emphasis, but he only gives a quick ‘great’ before strolling off to retrieve his lunch.

***

Ren stays silent. He’s reading something, the front cover folded back so she can’t see the title, as he holds the book one handed and works his way through a sandwich from the deli across the road. He brought her a chocolate milkshake because he figured everyone likes chocolate and it was payment for letting him escape from Hux. Rey is comfortable admitting to herself she’s a shallow individual. It appears her shifting opinion of Ren can be bought with food stuffs but hey, it’s a good milkshake.

Normally when people come into her workshop, they have a million questions regarding the construction of the costumes and her tools but not Ren. He’s respected her need for silence to let her work. Rey thinks on their little cease fire they’d called last night. He’s still got his usual brooding Byronic look to him and he certainly doesn’t invite any casual chat but somehow though, here in her workshop, it’s companionable; him reading, her working and the radio on low in the background.

“Hey, Rey have you seen – ” Finn drifts off when he sees Ren sat in her chair behind her desk.

“Yes?” Rey asks.

“Never mind, found him.” Finn shakes his head. “Kylo, Poe needs you on set.” Finn looks between Rey and the man reclining behind her desk. Rey follows the trajectory of his gaze and notes Ren watching them. Finn sways on the spot for a moment but then moves into the room towards her. “How long have you been sitting all hunched up like that?” he asks.

“Oh, you know, pretty much since I got here.” She gives a shoulder roll, wincing at the tightness in the muscles.

“Need a shoulder rub?” he’s asking her but he’s looking at Ren.

“Eh, yes, great thanks.” Finn comes over to place his hands on her shoulders. Finn has done this for her a thousand times, but under Ren’s gaze she feels it’s imbued with more significance than it really ought to have. She sweeps her hair to the side to give Finn better access. “God, you are so good at that.” She states, the knots melting away under his fingertips. Her eyes drift shut only to open them when she hears a throat being cleared.

“Thanks for letting me hide out up here.” Ren stands and throws his wrappers in the bin.

“Can you pop back say after four? I should have at least one outfit nearly done.” Rey asks.

“Okay.” He agrees and gives them both a sharp head nod as he leaves.

Finn keeps rubbing her shoulders for another minute or two before stilling his hands and placing them on her shoulders. The weight and warmth of them is soothing.

“What are you doing Rey?”

“Sewing?”

“Nice try.” He pats her shoulders and moves round in front of her. “Why is Kylo Ren taking his lunch in your workshop?”

“Oh, Hux apparently has been pestering him and he just wanted a break.”

Finn crosses his arms and holds her eyes. “So the guy whose crotch you pretty much face planted in, has been an ass to you at every turn and who you said you couldn’t stand – no, don’t deny it – so much so you want me to pretend to be your boyfriend to warn him off, is now actively seeking you out and you don’t seem to mind? What happened?”

“I don’t know. I don’t think he was here because of me. I think it’s the quiet up here he’s looking for.” Rey picks up the waistcoat panel and starts attaching a button with so much force she might end up bending the needle. Finn snorts and uncrosses his arms, bracing his hands on the table edge and leaning back.

“You don’t honestly believe that do you?”

Rey shrugs. “Yes. What other reason can there be?”

Finn makes an exaggerated shocked face. “I love you Rey, but you can be so dense sometimes.” He stage whispers, “I think Ren likes you.”

“No, he doesn’t.” She pulls the needle through the fabric with a sharp tug which causes the thread to snarl and she huffs as she picks up another pin to loosen the twisted strands. “He knows I don’t like him, and I’ve got a boyfriend…sort of.” She turns this new information over in her mind as she lifts the waistcoat to snip through the thread now that she’s finished attaching that particular button. He wouldn’t want her, he said it himself she’s ‘snappy and awkward’ not anyone’s ideal but Finn’s clearly not going to let it go. “If – and it’s a big if – he likes me then it’s because he likes a challenge. It’ll be one of those big shot movie star wanting everyone to adore him, type things.” And she is not going to let her attraction towards him make a fool of her.

“If you say so,” Finn looks towards the corridor Ren had walked down, before turning around to consider her, “You know, a bit of fun might not be the worst thing, Rey.” She snorts and rolls her eyes at this.

“If I’m having a bit of fun, it won’t be with actor and certainly not with one that’s only going to be here for about five minutes.”

Finn’s face drops, “Bohdi really did a number on you, didn’t he?”

She tilts her face up and smiles. “Bohdi who?” Finn shakes his head. “I’m so over Bohdi, Finn. Beside he taught me a particularly important lesson, don’t mix business with pleasure and I still say your wrong about Ren.” Bohdi also taught her that clingy insecure people don’t get to have amazing relationships. 

Her childhood, the gift that just keeps giving.

Finn shrugs and says in a voice so quiet she’s not sure she’s supposed to hear. “We’ll see.”

…

The last seam is a little less straight than she would have liked, but after five solid hours of sewing, it’ll need to do. Rey leans back in the chair and covers her burning eyes with the heels of her hands. Sighing deeply, she lets her hands drop. Finn messaged mid-afternoon to say that he was heading home and Kylo never popped back upstairs for his fitting. There’s nothing more she can do today. 

Or rather, there’s nothing more she _wants_ to do today. 

Using sharp embroidery scissors, she snips the last few straggly threads from the garment, neatening it. If it hadn’t been such a long day, she’d press and steam all the seams flat and then find Kylo and let him try it on but as it’s late and she’s tired, he can just try it on crumpled and she’ll press it tomorrow. Gathering up the shirt, waistcoat and the rest of that costume, she rolls her neck as she heads to the stage because really, where else would Kylo be?

It’s dark backstage but Jyn is illuminating the full stage with flood lighting so that some leaks into the wings. Kylo has his back to her, a quarter turn to the audience and if she’d been there, Phasma would have been in his eye line. He must still be working on a scene even though Phasma has long since left. 

Despite acting on an empty stage Rey can see the sparse movements, every gesture telegraphing how hard ‘James’ is working to repress his anger. Even without seeing his facial expressions just looking at his whole-body movements and hearing the quiet authority of a voice that refuses to allow even a hint of grief to permeate it, you can tell how much the character is suffering.

“ _I don’t understand. What reason can there be for this betrayal Emma? Through every battle, every bloody conflict, I carried your heart with me, safe in the knowledge that your heart beats for me alone. And now_?” he huffs and turns away from her, shoulders stooping, head down. ‘James’ takes a few steps away from where his ex-fiancée should be.

Rey’s not sure what it is about him but Ren is captivating, impossible to look away from. 

He looks up, gazing out into the wings rather than look at ‘Emma’. Rey is sure with the lights, he can’t see her, but it feels like he is staring deep into her eyes when he continues.

“ _Why Emma? Did you doubt my return so much? Or is there something about me that you judge to be wanting? What is it that he can give you that I cannot?”_ He’s breathing heavily and Rey’s pinned by the intensity of his gaze. She barely hears Poe as he utters Phasma’s line. Kylo’s nostrils flare slightly and Rey has to stop herself from stepping back, away from this outpouring of grief. It’s raw and personal and it feels as if he is talking to her and her alone. _“I saw you together. I saw the glances, the impatient turn of phrases. The lack.”_ He grabs his hair as Poe again supplies Phasma’s words. _“There is no love here. None.”_ A beat of silence as his hands drop to his sides, gaze firmly stuck on Rey and then, _“Love should never be quiet or small. It should consume. Emma, I would have given you everything, not because you wanted me to but because I needed to give it. I needed to love you the way you deserved to be loved.”_

Oh God, to be loved like that. Goosebumps sweep across her skin. Just once to have a man look at her as if she were his world and to speak words like that? It would mean everything. Her breath catches in her throat and she looks to the ceiling, blinking away excess moisture that might be the beginnings of tears, or it might just be that it’s dusty backstage. It’d be embarrassing to be crying over pretty words spoken by a talented actor. 

Poe’s voice booms from the darkness beyond the lights.

“Well, you’ve definitely got the emotion down, but do you think you can turn round and say it to the woman you love?” and there’s some laughter from the audience.

Kylo turns, squinting into the lights. “Can I use a stand in for Emma? I want to play about a bit with the blocking.”

“Sure” and there’s a thump as Poe slides the book off his lap into the next chair as he goes to approach the stage.

“No, I’d rather you observed. Rey’s here, if she’s okay with it, can I use her?” Ren turns and it’s clear that he’d been able to see her all along. He gives her a quirked eyebrow and a slight smirk as if he’s asking her permission but not really.

Because then he’s approaching her, holding out his hand and she’s looking at it as if her useless brain doesn’t know what she’s supposed to do. When he takes her by the elbow and leads her to the chair where Emma should be seated during this scene, she goes. When he takes the bundle of clothing out of her arms and sets it on a table, she lets him and when he hands her a script, she simply takes it. 

It’s not until she hears Poe’s laughter cutting into her reverie that she understands exactly what is happening. She tries to see past the lights, but she can only see the outlines of Poe and another a few rows back.

“Don’t worry Rey, there’s only Jyn, Rose and myself here to witness your humiliation.” He calls.

“Thanks, Poe. Can’t Rose do this? You know I don’t act.” She tries to sound cool as if being made to act out an emotionally intense scene with Kylo Ren happens every day.

“No, we’ll be marking up the blocking and comparing notes so just sit back and enjoy your one and only scene with a movie star.” It’s clear Poe is taking the piss out of Kylo but Rose being Rose, makes a whooping noise from the auditorium.

Rey looks down at the script and then up at Kylo, her heart thundering in her chest. 

“Where do you want to take it from?” 

He leans over her to indicate the starting point on the script and his very proximity is adding to her nervousness. Rey has always loved theatre, but she never wanted to be seen. That’s for others, the ones who shine bright. Her more tarnished façade is better suited to backstage, she’s happier there. God, she’s not sure why he’s doing this, using her when Rose could just as easily stand in, or Poe for that matter. 

“Can we take it from ‘ _I don’t understand’_?” he asks.

She nods her agreement; scans the lines she’ll need to say. Kylo steps back slightly and begins again, the same movements and inflections. When he gets to the ‘ _and now?_ ’ part, he turns away as before, but after a beat spins to face her. Rey jumps slightly not expecting his explosion of movement. He’s grabbing her shoulders, his fingers biting into her flesh as he stares into her face. This time there’s anguish in his voice and he’s pleading. She can feel the shocked expression forming on her face.

_“Why Emma? Did you doubt my return so much? Or is there something about me that you judge to be wanting? What is it that he can give you that I cannot?”_

The silence hangs and Rey realises she’s supposed to be speaking. Swallowing the lump in her throat she stutters her way through the line.

“ _Nothing, I swear. But James, you were gone and Henry and I, we grew to love each other in your absence.”_

His hands drop from her shoulders and he reels back, looking at her as if seeing her for the first time, slowly shaking his head.

_“I saw you together. I saw the glances, the impatient turn of phrases. The lack.”_

_“Not all loves are obvious, some are quiet, small and that can be enough.”_ Rey looks up at him and continues. _“It can be enough, can’t it?”_ She’s not sure why it feels like she’s asking him, Kylo, not James.

_“There is no love here. None.”_ He scans her face. Under his regard she feels naked. Rey might only be the stand in, but she can’t help but be moved by the scene. He moves hesitantly towards her. The back of his hand skimming the arch of her cheekbone. She’s hyper aware of its touch on her skin. All her breath trapped in her chest. _“Love should never be quiet or small. It should consume. Emma,”_ Kylo tilts his head, now moving his hand until he cradles her face in the palm of his hand. The sensation of his touch morphs from the crackle of electricity from his brief touch to a soothing warmth as he cups the side of her face. Rey is grateful for her lack of lines as she doubts she’d have the air to be able to get anything out, _“_ _I would have given you everything, not because you wanted me to but because I needed to give it. I needed to love you the way you deserved to be loved.”_

A charged silence settles on them as Jyn drops the lighting to nothing signifying the end of the scene.

Cheering and laughter from the three crew members breaks the stillness. When the glare from the reinstated lights blind her, Rey realises Kylo is still lightly stroking her cheek with his thumb and she jerks back out of his reach but the sensation of his touch lingers.

“Exactly, man, exactly.” Poe is saying as he’s pulling himself up onto the stage.

Rey’s utterly wrongfooted. What the fuck just happened? This is not where she should be, she needs to retreat back to her workshop. Ren churns up so much emotion in her and she doesn’t want to be here anymore. Making to stand, Poe stops her by placing his hands on her shoulders. 

“You were a star.” Poe grins and lightly drops a kiss on her hair which she reflexively smiles at.

“I’ll head back upstairs.” She gets the words out and goes to stand again.

“No, you won’t.” Poe’s hands are holding her trapped and he doesn’t even realise what he’s doing thinks Rey wildly. “I have a blocking idea I want to try out and you’ll need to stand in. Kylo.” He gestures with his head and both he and Kylo move to the other side of the stage. There’s lots of nodding and hand gestures. They aren’t quite loud enough to hear but she does catch Poe’s last statement of “Go with whatever feels right.” Before jumping down from the stage.

“Are we doing the same scene?” she gets a nod in acknowledgement as Kylo rolls his shoulders and tilts his head from side to side before returning to his start position.

It’s all there, the same emotion and Rey marvels at how he can just turn it on when needed. She’s expecting the shoulder grab but this time instead of grabbing, his hands rush forward but then ghost away mere inches from her body. 

It’s beautifully controlled. 

A man so tightly bound by the social mores of his time that he can’t unleash his feeling even in his height of despair. This time Kylo sounds weary as he goes on to question ‘Emma’.

“ _Why Emma? Did you doubt my return so much? Or is there something about me that you judge to be wanting? What is it that he can give you that I cannot?”_

Rey breathily rushes through her line. _“Nothing, I swear. But James, you were gone and Henry and I, we grew to love each other in your absence.”_ At least she didn’t miss her cue this time.

Kylo moves his hands into his hair. It’s the same words and yet Kylo has a million different ways to interpret them. Now when he looks at her, his face begins to twist in anger.

_“I saw you together. I saw the glances, the impatient turn of phrases. The lack.”_ His voice harsh, in contrast it makes Rey’s quieter, softer voice sound even more uncertain.

_“Not all loves are obvious, some are quiet, small and that can be enough. It can be enough, can’t it?”_

_“There is no love here. None.”_ Fury is building in him. He moves back towards her and she’s expecting him to grab her this time so when he does and utters the following so close to her, it’s intense but not unexpected. “ _Love should never be quiet or small. It should consume. Emma,”_ Kylo closes the gap between them, kissing her punishingly hard on the mouth and Rey squeaks. He pulls back, Rey knows she is goggling at him but can’t stop. Ren reaches for her with trembling hands, framing her face. With unbearable softness he finishes with the heart-breaking lines. _“I would have given you everything, not because you wanted me to but because I needed to give it. I needed to love you the way you deserved to be loved.”_

Unbidden, a tear spills out of the corner of her eye and he strokes it away with his thumb before bending his head and placing a whisper of a goodbye kiss to her lips.


	6. More than words

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you everyone for reading, commenting and kudosing. It means everything. x

The lights die. 

In the darkness there’s a moment – it’s in her head surely – but there’s a moment of absolute stillness. Absolute silence.

Nothing but the feel of plush lips, oh so softly, pressed against hers. 

Lips capable of setting off a rush of sensation everywhere through her body.

Lips that shouldn’t be touching hers.

It doesn’t last long enough. 

Jyn flicks on the full house lighting dazzling her.

Ren pulls back and moves his hands from her face to her shoulders. He pats her in a nervous fashion. It’s a cross between ‘well done’ and ‘sorry if I overstepped.’ He’s looks anxious as if she’s about to leap out of the chair and kick his ass. 

When she doesn’t, a small, but real smile creeps on to his face. He must be pleased with the scene, but Rey hasn’t a clue what she’s supposed to be feeling right now.

Probably not, _come back, do that to me again_ but other than that thought, she’s got nothing. 

Pulling in a breath, like a swimmer breaching the surface of water, everything is clearer and louder than before. Particularly when the first sound she hears is a piercing wolf-whistle. 

“I think Phasma’s got competition.” Poe hollers.

Kylo’s smile morphs into a smirk and Rey’s torn between the desire to punch him for making her feel this way and just hightailing it out of there.

“Seriously, that was great.” Poe is on his feet. “Kylo, I think that’s definitely the way the scene should go. Rose?”

“Oh, I agree,” Rose’s eyes are lively with mischief, “it was so much sexier having James bubble over that little bit,” Rose tilts her head regarding them, “and I think it’ll help convey to the audience that ‘Emma’ is really going to regret marrying Henry because look what she’s giving up. Yeah, I like it.” She’s nodding thoughtfully but Rey can see that she’s dying to burst out laughing.

“Do you have time to run through it one more time?” Poe asks and Kylo’s saying ‘sure,’ but Rey is out of her chair as if burned.

“Ah, I really can’t, it’s getting on and I stayed late yesterday and Finn…”

“What? Fifteen minutes max, Rey. Finn’s not going to have an issue with that.” Poe is frowning at her.

“But uh, we’ve plans tonight.” She’s such a pathetic liar.

“Rey, Finn told me you two were going to watch trash tv, he’ll be fine.” Rose is grinning as she waves Rey’s objections away. Rey gives her a tight smile whilst battling back the urge to leap from the stage and throttle her.

“Listen if Rey needs to head, it’s fine. I’ll be able to reproduce this tomorrow with Phasma, I’m sure.” Ren interjects.

“No.” Poe holds up his hand stopping Kylo. “Rey, please, five minutes. I know you’re not an actor so you probably don’t realise how easily one can lose the tenure of an emotion and the pacing if you don’t capture it and get it down rote when it’s fresh. Now that scene there,” Poe points at the pair of them on the stage, “that scene was exactly how I want it played out. Exactly. So, if you can spare me fifteen minutes, I want Kylo to run through this at least twice so that he can nail it perfectly.” Poe has his authoritative voice on, but all Rey hears is Rose’s inappropriate snort when Poe says, ‘nail it’. 

Her heart’s hammering but she’s always been too much of a bloody team player that against her own best interests she agrees to do the scene again. 

Poe and Rose start marking things in the prompt book and talking to each other. It’s Ren that approaches her. For once he seems contrite.

“Sorry if that caught you by surprise, it just felt right - you know – what James would do in that situation.”

“S’okay.” She’s blushing knowing that she’s going to have to kiss him again least four times. The palpitations at this realisation make it feel like her heart is beating in her throat.

Should she be celebrating that fact? She’s hoping Ren can’t read the conflict on her face.

“You can tell Finn that it’s Poe’s fault that I had to kissed you.”

“Yeah, he’s going to love that.” Rey gives a little bitter laugh to herself thinking of how Finn is going to rail her for somehow ending up kissing with the big bad Kylo Ren when she’s supposedly avoiding him. She looks up to see a concerned look cross Ren’s face.

“Look if this is going to cause you and Finn hassle we can…” it’s kind of sweet that he’s worried about causing upset with her non-existing boyfriend but she stops him before he can go any further.

“No, it’s fine. Finn won’t be bothered.” She bats his concern away but his frown deepens. He’s working his jaw as if biting back words.

“What?”

“Look it’s not my business, and I’m not trying to stir up trouble but given that you’re not an actor, I find it a bit odd that Finn wouldn’t be bothered by you kissing someone else.” He is surprisingly forceful in his opinion of how Finn should feel. Rey arches an eyebrow at his tone.

“It’s not like that, I’ll explain to Finn and he’ll be fine about it.” Ren still looks concerned. “Honestly, Finn’s cool and he trusts me.”

Which is true, he does, and he never has to worry about her cheating on him seeing as they aren’t together but still, Ren doesn’t know that. At her statement he looks, a bit less annoyed? Less concerned? A bit blank if she’s being honest. 

Rey hasn’t a clue how to interpret his moods, but he nods his head and goes to get into his starting position.

…..

The subway car pulls in and Rey’s on autopilot whilst her mind is a snarled-up mess. It feels like every few steps an unbidden flash of how it felt to kiss Ren slides into her brain and for a moment it’s all she can see, all she can feel, until it dissipates, floating away from her.

Distracted. She must look strange to the other passengers sitting gazing off into the distance and occasionally lightly stroking her lips with the tips of her fingers. They still tingle. 

Poe had been ecstatic with the scene and Ren had been able to reproduce it perfectly each take.

Honestly, each time was perfect.

Perfect.

Every time they ran through the scene, the knowledge of what was going to happen had her almost asphyxiating from nerves. Nerves from acting, _not_ anticipation she tells herself.

Given that mouth, it shouldn’t be a surprise that Ren can kiss. But it isn’t the physicality of the kiss that’s impacting on her.

No, it’s _how_ he kissed her. Rey’s not sure if she’s ever been kissed like that in real life.

In a sense the first passionate kiss will shock the audience, move them with ‘James’ and ‘Emma’s’ plight. 

But the smaller, quieter second kiss? That’s the one currently breaking Rey’s heart. 

Ren managed to pack so much feeling into that gentle kiss that there under stage illumination and with an audience, Rey felt loved. 

No need for words. 

No need for grand gestures or empty promises. 

The wash of emotion that swept over her at that moment had been one of being cherished. 

Special. 

Wanted.

And it hadn’t even been real. 

…….

After a quick ‘Hi’ to Finn who really is watching something trashy on the TV, Rey slips into her room. She can’t bear to talk about what happened tonight.

Yes, she’s hiding or maybe she’s hoarding, she’s not sure but it’s the same compulsion that had her streaking out of the theatre, away from Rose’s insatiable curiosity and quips, Ren’s unreadable expressions and Poe’s satisfaction. She’d left that fast, Jyn hadn’t even had time to make her way out of the lighting booth.

She doesn’t even bother looking at her phone as she knows Rose’ll be blowing it up.

Lying on the bed she closes her eyes and lets the feeling of being the centre of someone’s world, Ren’s world, wash over her again.

…

Friday finds Rey in the theatre before everyone else. The phone in her bag is heavy with messages she’s not willing to look at yet. She works steadily through each piece of fabric, stitching them together until out of nothing she creates something new. New creations that hadn’t existed until she came along and brought them to life. This, this is what she’s good at. This is where she should be, not up on stage. Rey knows who she is, she’s the wardrobe mistress, the support staff, not made for centre stage. 

The repetition of threading the machine and guiding the material under the feeder foot helps her to put last night into context. It was nothing, she shouldn’t be reliving it. It was a written scene manipulated by a man with serious acting ability to devastating effect. It shouldn’t, no, it doesn’t affect her anymore because it wasn’t real. By the twentieth seam she’s starting to believe herself.

…

Ren drops in at lunch time with another milkshake, vanilla this time and a lamb and tzatziki gyro because ‘it smelt good’ and he’d ‘eat it if she didn’t want it’. 

It’s as if he expects her to scoff at him and reject his food. Silly man. Instead, Rey promptly snatched both from him. With a warm flatbread, oozing tzatziki, in her hands, all sewing needs to cease immediately. 

Rey makes her way over to perch on the windowsill behind her desk. Ren’s eating at her desk again. The view from the window isn’t amazing, mainly buildings and a bit of the street below but there are other windows she can spy into, make up stories about the inhabitants. She’s happy to do that and let Kylo eat his lunch in the silence he is so keen to seek out and it means she doesn’t have to look at him. It’s a surprise when he initiates conversation.

“I wanted to check you’re ok after last night.” He asks in a hushed voice. It’s so quiet that she turns away from the window to watch him speak and there’s a faint pink blush to his cheek bones. He doesn’t look at her as he asks. 

Rey glances down to the flatbread in her hand and back out into the New York landscape. What can she say? _I went home and lay on my bed letting tears track into my hairline knowing that no one will ever feel about me the way you made me feel last night? That you make me want to have something that will always be out of reach to someone broken like me?_ No, she can’t say that. She smiles weakly at him.

“Fine thanks, I get a bit flustered being on stage.” Yeah, let’s put all those feeling down to stage fright. He’s nodding.

“It’s not for everyone but you really helped.” He tears a piece off of his sub, “I find the big emotional scenes never feel right unless there’s someone else there.” He pops the food in his mouth.

“Can I ask, do you use experience or what to get those feelings?” she shouldn’t be curious, she shouldn’t be, but she is. Was there someone before who had been on the receiving end of those feelings when they’d been real?

“I don’t…I can’t keep…” he shrugs, “this is going to sound ridiculous and I know loads of actors who channel big emotional moments from their real life into their scenes but my brain doesn’t work that way.” He gives a self-depreciating smile. “I guess I can’t really hold two thoughts in my mind at once. I tend to try to inhabit my character to such an extent that it feels natural to do the action that they would take, you know?”

“So, you really were reacting as how you thought James would?” and there’s that really geeky part inside of Rey that’s always crushed on James Nicholson, it swoons at the thought.

“Yeah, and because of that, whoever you are working with, their reactions change how your character interprets the scene.” He looks a bit shifty as he rips another bit off of his sub. “You,” he clears his throat, “you looked so shocked by ‘James’ emotion that it was easy to imagine that he would take that chance to try and change ‘Emma’s’ mind by showing her how good it could be.” He looks back at Rey. “But when that tear fell, to me as ‘James,’ it felt like everything, like sorrow, pain, desire, longing all wrapped up in one single tear drop and ‘James’, he, well, I think he would have wanted to soothe ‘Emma’s’ pain.” Ren picks up his drink and takes a long draw.

Rey’s staggered. Ren’s not an idiot, he knows she’s no actor, that all those emotions had been her real reactions, her bleeding heart.

She clears her throat but even with that her words come out little more than a whisper. 

“You must think me a fool.”

“No.” he rushes to correct her. “No, I think you are someone who feels things deeply. Not everyone can.”

She huffs at this wrapping her arms around herself. How is it that a man, a person she’s still not sure if she really likes or not, can see more of her soul in a few lines of scripted dialogue than most of her romantic partners ever have? Rey turns away and leans her cheek on the windowpane trying to cool her flushed face. When she doesn’t look at him again, Ren continues.

“You should have seen how hard Phasma had to work to be that vulnerable. Poe wasn’t joking when he said Phasma had competition.” He finishes with a weak chuckle.

Rey feels a little too exposed right now. She stuffs the gyros in her mouth and makes a ‘mmhmm’ noise around it.

“Look Rey, not many people can be that open. Finn is very lucky.” He sighs. “Maybe luckier than he realises, to have someone who can’t lie.” And he looks away from her, fiddling with the wrapping round his half-eaten sub. 

It’s the sigh, that clues Rey in. The hurt he’s trying to conceal and failing. Maybe she only recognises it because it’s how she herself has sounded too often over the years.

“Who lied to you?” Her eyes narrow at him. Ren isn’t a man that invites confidences and Rey’s not even sure why she cares, but she does, and she wants to know who hurt him.

“No-one.” He gives a harsh laugh, “Everyone. Despite what it might look like from the outside, no-one’s life is perfect, not even mine. But anyway, we’re not talking about me, we’re talking about you and you can’t lie.”

Rey frowns. “Of course I can.”

He’s shaking his head and giving her that infuriating smug smirk of his.

“You might be able to lie with words but believe me Rey, your face can’t.”

“Is that so?” she tries to be casual but inside she’s cataloguing each and every inappropriate thought that’s probably tap danced its way across her face. She takes a long drag on the straw of her milkshake and gazes out of the window.

“Are you embarrassed?” he laughs to lighten the mood but she keeps looking out the window, focussing on a man down on the street having an expressive handsfree call. From this distance, she’s no clue what he’s saying but the gestures tell her that someone is getting the rough edge of his tongue. “Rey.”

She turns and flicks her eyes to his.

“You can express yourself so clearly. When you look at Finn, anyone can see the way you feel about him. It’s like the scene we did last night but in reverse. I can see the kind words, the looks. There’s no lack in your relationship. It’s what most people aspire to.” He ducks his head to make sure he’s got her full attention. “It’s what I aspire to.” And he gives her a smile so warm, Rey is tempted to get off of that windowsill and curl up on his lap. 

She blinks. She can’t be thinking of Ren like that. He is not for her. Even if by some miracle he wanted her, he wouldn’t walk away from Hollywood and California, wouldn’t stay in New York for someone like her. Why does she do this to herself? Always torturing herself with what can never be.

“Why are you telling me this?” she’s sharper than she means to be but he shouldn’t be confiding in her, welcoming her in, letting her get to know the hidden parts of himself.

This time, it’s him that looks embarrassed. “Maybe I like the fact you don’t treat me any differently from anyone else. You don’t try to impress me and in turn I actually have to try to make you like me.”

Her heart thuds and she swallows hard but tries to inject a little levity into the conversation by trying for a teasing tone. 

“Poor famous Kylo Ren, is fame not quite what you thought it’d be?”

Ren looks down at the desk before looking straight at her.

“I’ve always known what fame is like growing up, I just hadn’t realised how hard it can be without people really on your side.” Rey tries to understand what he means but as far as she knows Kylo Ren rose to fame in his early twenties so maybe a decade in the limelight, hardly a lifetime. Maybe he knew someone growing up who had some success. Ren sighs. “That’s why Poe and people who’ve known me for a long time are important, they know me and I guess it’d be nice to have that in a relationship just once. So yeah, I’m a bit jealous of you and Finn.”

Staggered by his confession Rey scrabbles for something to say and goes with the first thing that pops into her head.

“Maybe you just need a hand finding the right woman.” Oh, how casually she can say the words.

“You think I need a wingman,” his eyebrows are moving closer to his hairline, “or woman?”

“Yeah, maybe go out for a drink with Poe and see if he can set you up.”

Ren snorts.

“You do know Poe and I don’t exactly have the same tastes?” he grins at her and leans back in his seat.

“That’s why he’s a good shout, he can be more objective. Weed out the crazies because he’s not likely to be swayed by the aesthetics.” She gives him an answering smile.

Ren strokes his chin and then leans forward, elbows resting on his knees.

“Maybe, you could do it. You seem to know what a good relationship looks like,” oh Ren, if only that were a hundred percent true, she thinks, “and if I’m not mistaken, you wouldn’t be swayed by the aesthetics either.”

“Good idea, let the socially awkward woman, who isn’t your biggest fan, do the talking for you.” She shrugs. “I probably can’t do a worse job than you if you’re going with your real personality.”

He belly laughs at that. “I’m going to hold you to that. Some folk are going out for a drink Saturday, right?” Rey nods, it’s a bit of a standing date when they’re on the run up to a production. “Fine, you can be my wing woman and find me someone to love, even if it’s only for the night.” 

Rey narrows her eyes at him before reaching out and shaking his proffered hand. His skin is warm and her hand always feels right in his. Rey sense of self-preservation kicks in.

“It’s a deal Ren, and trust me, whoever I set you up with, you won’t want to let them go, I’m that good.” Rey says standing up, but Ren hasn’t let go of her hand.

“That’s what Poe says.” Rey can’t help thrilling at this unsolicited compliment. Ren stands too and releases her hand.

“And you know Poe is always right.” He snorts at this. “Right my lunch is over, but you can start thinking of your list of requirements and give them to me tomorrow.”

“Seriously?”

“Seriously.” She can’t help but give him a cheeky smile. “Mr Ren, the one thing you should know about me is that I’m a _professional_. When I take on a job? I finish it.”


	7. Dance little liar

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Advice to Rey, stop digging that hole!  
> Thank you everyone for your support, comment and kudos. This is probably the last up date until the New Year, which will hopefully be a better and safer 2021 x

The coffee is scalding but she’s no time to let it cool. It’s also too bitter but as her brain won’t turn off at night, torturing her with memories of soft brushes of lips as well as full throttled passionate kisses. Yeah, sleep has been evasive these last couple of nights making bitter coffee a necessity she can’t skip. She takes another mouthful and grimaces, before throwing some cheese, grapes and crackers in her bag. As she stares at the other random items in the fridge that she might make a lunch out of, she debates buying her lunch today.

There’s a little voice in her head whispering maybe Ren will get her lunch again but she pushes that down. She slept in, _that’s_ why she has no time for lunch prep today. It is not because she’s hoping they’ll have another picnic in her workshop. 

She slams the empty mug on the counter, dashes to the bathroom to brush her teeth and check her make up.

“Oi, some of us are trying to sleep.” Finn calls from his room.

“Sorry.” She doesn’t bother shutting the bathroom door, putting toothpaste on her brush.

“S’alright, I’m going right back to sleep once you leave.”

She spits the foam into the sink and mutters “Lazy bastard.”

“Heard that. Don’t hate on the set designer ‘cause his work is done.”

“Yeah, yeah. Rub it in, why don’t you?” she tosses back at him.

Finn appears at his doorway scratching his abdomen and yawning widely.

“What time do you think you’ll be back?”

“Dunno. As it’s Saturday and full dress rehearsal's Tuesday, I guess never? I have the clean uniform jacket to make, the tattered uniform trousers and shirt – although I’m totally going to cheat and leave the collar clean so that the bloody shirt can be worn under the clean uniform – another formal waistcoat, jacket and a trench coat to do.” Her voice is getting higher as she rhymes off the outstanding pieces. “So yeah, I might as well sleep in my workshop.”

She goes back to brushing the mascara on her lashes. Finn moves into her eyeline over her shoulder in the mirror.

“Are you going to finish in time?” he says with a note of concern in his voice. Everyone on crew has been so sure in her skills, so confident that she can crank everything out in a fraction of time it would usually take, that seeing the worry in Finn’s eyes makes Rey doubt herself for the first time.

“Honestly? Don’t know. I’m aiming to finish all the outfits.” She swipes a finger under her eye, removing a smudge. “I can probably get away with still working on the trench coat Tuesday and Wednesday. It just needs to be finished for preview, I don’t think it should make too much of a difference to use a stand in item for the dress rehearsal.”

Finn looks thoughtful. “It’s a big ask Rey.”

Try a monumental one, she thinks. Looking at her eyes in the mirror no amount of bobbi brown under eye camouflage concealer is going to hide how exhausted she looks and it’s only eight in the morning. She gives Finn a tight smile in the mirror.

“I’ll stay until ten-ish tonight, same tomorrow. I’ll have a better idea after that.”

“You not going for drinks then?”

She shakes her head. “I can’t.”

“Yeah, no need to look so sad, I’ll come in and – I dunno – cut some things out?” he offers.

Rey grabs at this lifeline, turns and hugs him.

“Would you? Please? You’ve no idea how big a help that’d be.” She squeezes him.

“Yeah, yeah but I’m not coming in until after lunch. I deserve my long lie.”

“Of course, and maybe when you come in, you can tell me all about your crush.” She grins at him as she pulls her jacket off the rack.

“Keep that up and you’ll be working on your own Rey.” He warns.

“No, I won’t ‘cause you’d never abandon me.” She’s halfway out the door when he calls.

“You so owe me for this.”

***

Rey shouldn’t be stopping every ten minutes or so to check her phone to see if it’s one o’clock yet. She should be focussing on making a duplicate set of worsted khaki wool WW1 army trousers. Maz is good to Rey but there’s no way she’d let her trash one of MDT’s outfits. The job of distressing them is definitely something Finn can do when he comes in. She shouldn’t want Ren to stop by, but she’s pleased that as she finishes the placket on the army trousers, she hears his deep voice.

“Stopping for lunch?” it’s odd but he looks happy to see her. It’s not open friendliness like a smile or anything but there’s something a bit softer, a bit more approachable when he looks at her. She’s answering him with her own smile.

“Yeah.” She flicks the off switch on the machine and stands. “I’ll need to grab something, slept in this morning.”

“I’ll get it.” He offers.

“No, you got mine yesterday. It’s my turn.” It’s nice the thrill she gets in the pit of her tummy thinking that, yeah, they could do this, banter, laugh, maybe become friends, they certainly seem to be opening up to each other. 

Maybe it could become something more? It’s just a whisper across her subconscious but she mentally bitch slaps it away and heads towards her bag for her purse.

“S’fine. Consider it payment for helping me with my pitiful love life.” He shoves his hands in his pockets and in one short sentence he’s deflated the building excitement in her gut. She taps the purse against her open palm a couple of times and then gestures to him with it.

“Yeah. No payment necessary until I’ve sorted it out, I’m strictly commission based.” She gives a weak smile. “Do you wanna come with me? See what they’ve got?” he hesitates and it occurs to Rey, for the first time that wandering about might garner Ren unwanted attention.

“Ren, have you been photographed when you’ve been out?” she quizzes him. The way he looks at her question, well there’s only been a handful of times she’s seen him look anything other than entirely self-possessed. It’s kinda cute, Kylo Ren embarrassed. He ruffles the back of his hair which she’s starting to recognise as a nervous tell of his.

“Well, Rose went for me. Both times.”

“Ha, that totally explains how you hit lunch jackpot with the lamb gyros.” She laughs at the nervous look on his face. “I’ll get it, saves you all the hassle of being mobbed. Come to think of it there’s not been any fans hanging about here either.”

“No one knows I’m here yet, and everyone has been pretty good at not selling any pictures.” He shrugs.

Sounds about right, having fans cluttering up the walkways and chanting outside the building would just be a hassle that none of them would want to bring down on the New Hope productions. Yet. It’ll happen as soon as reviews go out on preview.

“But someone must know you’re in New York. Your hotel staff? Your car service? How have they not leaked it?” She’s genuinely interested because big names like Ren don’t get afforded the level of privacy he seems to be experiencing.

“I’m staying with Poe,” at Rey’s shocked expression he adds, “you seem to forget Poe and I are friends and I stay at his when I’m in New York. We cab in together, I keep my hood up,” he smirks, “cabbies probably think we’re a couple and don’t look too closely.”

This is news to Rey. But then, she hadn’t even known about Poe and Kylo’s friendship until four days ago but it makes sense he’d bed down at a friend’s.

“Do you visit a lot?”

“Enough. But if you are as good as you say you are, I might have a reason to visit more often.” His smile is beautiful when it is wide and natural. Unfortunately, it’s for the lucky bitch that Rey’s going to help pick out for him. Not for this first time she wonders how she managed to find herself in this situation. 

“Um, let’s not blow your cover then.” The smile feels false on her face. “What’d you fancy?”

“Just a chicken salad sandwich and some water.”

“Boring, Kylo.”

“What? I like what I like.” He’s smiling at her as he walks backwards towards her desk that he seems to think belongs to him.

“Fine. Get comfy here and I’ll bring you up your dull ass lunch.”

***

Rey groans slightly when she sees Rose already in the deli picking out what looks like lunch for three people. With her immense workload it’s meant she’s not seen Rose or anyone else really, since the other night. Plus, there’s a decent amount of avoidance on Rey’s part going on, because the astounding number of Kylo Ren kissing gifs Rose has managed to send her is a little frightening. 

Who knew action heroes kissed that much but now, thanks to Rose, Rey has the full cinematic proof in her feed. And if she scrolls through those kisses to help her relive the moment, well that’s not anyone business but hers. 

Rose glances over her shoulder as the bell above the door signals Rey’s arrival.

“So, from the kisses I sent you, which ones would you say were most like your experience? I think the fourth and the seventeenth ones looked pretty similar.” Rose asks as Rey draws up beside her.

“Hello to you too Rose.” Rey snipes.

“Pfft, no time for that, I need details.” Rose collects her to-go bags and waits until Rey orders before continuing. “There’s no way you can experience,” her voice drops, “ _that_ , six times without sharing it with me.”

Rey is paying as she tosses out a casual, “It was fine. They’re not real kisses, so you know, there’s not much to tell.” 

The girl behind the counter moves at an even pace, slicing the sourdough, buttering the cut sides and Rey fervently wishes the girl would do a slap dash job so that she can escape the grilling that Rose is going to give her.

“Rey, Rey,” Rose says shaking her head in a slow disappointed manner, “you play me for a fool. I have eyes and those were spectacular kisses.” A laugh slips out from Rey. “So, give me what I want before I bludgeon you to death with Poe’s baguette.” Rose shakes a to-go bag at her in a vaguely threatening manner.

Rey rolls her eyes. “Fine. They were … nice.”

“Nice?”

“Yes nice, he’s a good kisser. Soft lips.” Rey feels a prickly heat across her cheeks.

“Uh-hu, they didn’t look like nice kisses.” Arching her left eyebrow with an air of condescension Rose continues. “They looked like epic, toe curling, oh my god I will never be the same again kisses. Especially the first one.”

“Um well, I can see how you would think that but no. They were ok. A bit awkward really.” Rey thanks the girl behind the counter when she hands her the two to-go bags and tries to ignore the way Rose is staring at her.

“Rey, if those kisses were only ok to you, I want to know who the hell you’ve been kissing and can I get his number.” Rose pushes the door open. “Honestly, the whole scene between you two was hot as hell and I can tell you a lot of extra work had to go into recreating your scene with Phasma.”

“Ren mentioned Phasma had a bit of trouble.”

Rose smiles slyly. “He’s such a liar that boy. Rey, it was _him_ that struggled.” She gives Rey an amused side eyed glance.

“Him? What do you mean? He did it right several times the other night.” They’re nearly back at the theatre and Rey is itching to escape this conversation.

“Rey, it was like the thespian equivalent of ‘can’t get it up syndrome’, he just couldn’t muster – how should I put it? – the same _enthusiasm_ with Phas.”

“But…what happened?” Rey turns her head to give Rose her full attention.

“Well, you know how acting is all reacting?” Rey nods. “Guess he just isn’t as keen on ‘reacting’ when it’s not you.” Rose can’t help giving a smutty laugh.

Rey stops walking. “Bullshit.” Rose carries on, self-righteousness radiating from her in every step. “You’re winding me up.”

“I’m not, ask Poe, kriff, ask Jyn, they’ll all say same as me.” Rose holds the backstage door open for Rey to pass through before giving her a smug grin. “Now if I’m not much mistaken your second lunch is for Kylo, who is no doubt hiding in your workshop. All very cosy my little Rey.” Rose gives an exaggerated sigh. “God, if I’d known the way to bag a gorgeous man like that was to launch my face straight at his dick, I’d have done it the minute I saw him.”

“Actually, I think that generally works for most men.” Rey quips. 

“True. Are you coming out for drinks later?”

“Maybe. There’s just so much to do but, if I can, I’ll be there even if it’s only for a bit.” Rey confirms.

“Make sure you do. Kylo’s going to be there. Maybe you can recreate your kisses for real. And when you do I want every glorious detail.” She makes kissy faces as Rey shakes her head and heads up to her workshop.

Rey considers the things Rose was saying but it just doesn’t make sense that Ren struggled with the scene because it wasn’t her he was acting with. She wouldn’t tell him, but he is a fantastic actor, naturally gifted. So no, it must have been something else throwing him off. It didn’t have anything to do with her. For kriff’s sake he thought she was ‘snappish and awkward’, with a boyfriend and was going to help him sort out his love life. 

Yet when she pushes open the workshop door and he looks up from his book, feet up on her desk – a habit she hates – with the light hitting him just right? Well, then she’s just stupid enough to wish that Rose is right.

***

“So, you want _healthy?_ ” She can’t help the scornful way she says it. He’s lying. She can tell. No man when asked his ideal female shape says ‘healthy’. 

“Yeah, that’s what I said.”

They’re both at the desk and Rey has her journal open, sandwich in one hand, pen poised in the other to take note of the type of woman Ren would like.

“Kylo, I can’t help you if you don’t give me some idea what you like. So, let’s start again, what body shape do you find attractive?”

He looks out the window and then down at the desk. “I don’t really have a type. It’s more about the person, you know?”

“Beautiful sentiment but for kriff sake help me out. Ok, height?”

“Tall but not too tall.” He laughs under his breath, “and not small, my Mom’s small and just, no.”

“Ok, are you a boobs, ass or maybe a legs man?”

“Eh, yes to all?” at her stern look he elaborates. “Look I like women and generally I like women who take care of themselves. I’m not going to say no to someone with a huge rack but also I won’t turn down someone who’s maybe a little less curvy.”

“Ok, now we’re getting somewhere. Huge rack.” Rey goes to make a note, but Ren stays her hand and huffs out an exasperated breath. 

“You’re not listening. I like cute, healthy women not fussed on hair colour, not fussed on specific body parts. I do like women with a brain, who can express themselves well and aren’t easily offended. Someone fun.”

Rey stops and looks at him. He seems a bit worked up and flustered. He doesn’t have any right to be. She’s the one having to sit here and listen to him list the qualities he expects her to find in a woman for him and swallow down her desire to shout ‘pick me.’

“I can’t find that for you at a bar. I’d have much more success with ‘huge rack’” she grouses.

“I’ve had plenty of success with ‘huge rack’ too.” He laughs and the mischievous glint in his eye tells her that he’s had plenty of big titted fun.

The bolt of jealousy that reverberates through her leaves her breathless. Who are all these women who’ve had their moment with Ren? She thinks of the large hand that so briefly rested upon hers. What would it be like to have that hand skim over her ribs, cup the underside of her breast and flick his thumb over her hardening nipple…. no, no, no do not think about it. She’s flustered as she looks into his deep brown eyes that are turning serious now.

“But that’s not really what I’m looking for anymore. You’re right, I can’t expect to find all that in a bar. Maybe we should give this up as a bad idea.” He looks tired and she doesn’t want to find him someone else but at the same time she doesn’t want to see him look so defeated either.

“Told you before, I don’t do failure. I might not be able to get you this in a bar, but I know loads of folk, there will be someone I’m sure will suit you.” 

Will it be better or worse knowing that you have made two friends happy, getting to watch Ren be all big and sexy with someone else and never have the chance to be the one making him happy? Rey decides not to go down the rabbit hole of that thought either. 

“So fun? Anything else?”

Ren rolls his lips inwards and taps his fingernails against the desktop absentmindedly.

“What is it about Finn that works for you?”

“He’s…him. He gets me and I trust him you know?” she takes a bite of her sandwich and mulls over the question as she eats. “He just does right by me.”

She can’t help smiling at the thought of Finn but there’s a twinge in her gut. For the first time it seems like lying to Ren might not be her finest idea. Not only because she’s tricking him into thinking she’s in a committed relationship but deceiving him in general is somehow wrong in a way it wasn’t before. 

Rey always knew that what she was doing was questionable, but before it felt like she was protecting herself. She’s never been stupid enough to get involved with someone who doesn’t particularly like her, and given the circumstances, if they got together, would be using her for a brief fling before heading back to his usual life. Leaving her behind like everyone else she’s ever gotten involved with. So yes, her reasons for deceiving him had some basis in reality but now, when they are sitting chatting like normal people? Now it feels like she’s doing it to be a horrible person.

Ren is watching her, with that blank look again; she thinks he’s maybe shielding his thoughts. Rose’s gossip runs through her head and she can’t help but stare at him, trying to decipher what he’s feeling.

“Hey, where do you need me?”

“Finn! You’re here.” Rey gives an awkward laugh and gets out of her chair to approach him.

“Yes. I volunteered to come in and here I am.” Finn gives her a puzzled look.

“Great, can you trash these trousers?” Rey pulls the finished uniform trousers from beside the sewing machine and holds them out to Finn.

“Didn’t you just make them?” Ren asks, looking at the pristine trousers.

“Yes, but they need to be distressed,” Rey puts her hand on Finn’s shoulder as she passes him the trousers and goes to retrieve the fabric paint from the cupboard on the opposite wall, “to look like you’ve been wearing them day in and out in a field hospital in France.”

“Torn or just worn?” Finn is running the fabric through his hands.

“Worn, I don’t think ‘James’ would walk about with holes in his pants.”

“He wouldn’t. He’d mend them himself if he had to.” Ren interjects, both Finn and Rey turn to look at him. “’James’ is very particular. I think he’d try to get any blood out of his clothes, there might be faint staining from other incidents and maybe something fresh from an operation he’d just carried out, but I don’t see him walking about looking anything less than his best even if that’s so much less than he is used to. Guy’s got standards, you know?” Ren finishes and tries to look casual as if his answer had come from the top of his head and he hadn’t spent hours trying to work out exactly what makes James Nicholson tick. Both creatives look at him with interest.

“Exactly,” Rey’s smile widens as she regards him, “that’s exactly how I see his character too.”

Ren pulls his hand through his hair and gives a half smile. 

“I guess I better get back. See you both tonight?”

“Sure.” Says Finn at the same time as Rey contradicts him.

“Only if we get finished.”

“Finn’s here,” Ren looks at her flatmate and if she wasn’t watching him so closely, she might have missed the slight look of derision that crosses his face, “I’m sure he’ll be keen for you to have a night off.”

Finn looks up from the trousers and glances between the two of them. 

“Eh, yeah, you totally need a break babe.” Rey is dying to roll her eyes at Finn’s acting.

“See your boyfriend agrees. Don’t you?” Finn picks up on the heavy hint in Ren’s tone.

“Ah, yeah. Totally.”

Ren gives them that curt little head nod of his and heads off downstairs.

Finn gives a whole-body spin, mouth gaping, to look at Rey.

“Don’t. Just don’t.” Rey turns on her heel away from his flabbergasted face and heads back towards her sewing machine.

“ _Babe_.” He draws the word out sarcastically. “Rey. This has got to stop.”

“Why?”

“Because that wasn’t a little bit of confusion over you and me, that was full on discussion about a relationship we don’t have.” Finn points with the bunched-up trousers towards the door. “Because I just straight up lied, and I said I wasn’t going to do that.” Finn looks angry and Rey can’t remember the last time they’d a falling out. It unnerves her and instead of trying to soothe it over, she’s quick to snap back at him.

“I never made you say anything.” Rey pulls the khaki cotton bobbin off the machine and winds it up aggressively.

“No, but I couldn’t _not_ agree.” Finn is wide eyed in his amazement that she would think there were any other options open to him.

“Finn, can we just leave it please? It’s not like it’s going to come up again, is it?” Rey rubs her forehead; she’s got a headache brewing and she’s got too much to do without dealing with this shit.

“Really? That’s what you’re going with?” Finn crosses his arms and fixes her with a stare. “Why haven’t you told me about the kissing?” he doesn’t even try to keep the hurt tone out of his voice.

Rey flushes beet red. She should have told him. She should have, but to pick it apart with Finn over some drinks and food at home would have trivialised it. For some sick reason, probably the same reason she didn’t want to squeal over it with Rose, she wanted to clutch the memory close to herself.

“There’s nothing to tell. I was helping out with blocking.” Rey picks up and orders her pin holder, scissors and allowance measure on the desk, not looking at Finn.

“Rey, Phasma is pissed. Everyone is talking about how scorching hot those kisses were _. I’m_ pissed I’d to hear it from Rose and not you.” 

Rey can practically taste his hurt on the air that he found out in a second-hand way but she’s not sorry that she’d had the chance to hold her memory close, even if only for such a short time.

“You seem to be hearing a lot from Rose.” She retorts.

“Yeah, more than I’m hearing from my best friend.” He counters.

“Finn, I’m sorry, I just didn’t want to make it into a big deal. You know how it is round here. Everything gets made to be a big deal, when it’s not and I didn’t want to do that.”

Finn looks at her for a beat or two before nodding and heads towards the supply cupboard.

“No more Rey, you tell me everything, like we always do, ok?” she nods. “Ok, point me in the direction of the steel wool and let me get started.”

As they work in tense silence Rey can’t work out how she’s gotten so snarled up with Ren that it’s affecting her and Finn’s relationship. Finn has been the one constant in her life of recent years and he’s never done anything to hurt her so why is she letting a stranger come between them?

What if Finn decides she’s not worth bothering with anymore? The longer they sit in silence the worse her panic gets. She glances over from her sewing machine taking in Finn leaning over the table methodically brushing at the knees of the trousers with steel wool and she can’t hold it back anymore.

“Sorry.” She whispers.

He doesn’t even lift his head to reply.

“It’s ok, _babe_ let’s forget about it and move on _.”_ but she’s pleased she sees him smiling as he works now.


End file.
